


Honestly, It's Always Rainbows

by paintingtheworldgray



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Circus, M/M, Payne's Circus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 18:51:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintingtheworldgray/pseuds/paintingtheworldgray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is crazy, especially if you work at Payne's Circus, where five best friends do. One of them was born to be a circus freak, with a level head for business and relationships. One of them is just plan crazy and he knows it, but it's how he has always been. Two of them are run aways, never really having the guts to tell their stories but always afraid of the past catching up with them. The last one...Well, he is just childish, silly and Louis Tomlinson. Their lives are crazy, messed up, and ridiculous, but it's always rainbows. (Larry Stylinson, Niam Horayne, and ZaynXOC)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warnings and Summary

Summary: 

___________________________________________

Life is crazy, especially if you work at Payne's Circus, where five best friends do. One of them was born to be a circus freak, with a level head for business and relationships. One of them is just plan crazy and he knows it, but it's how he has always been. Two of them are run aways, never really having the guts to tell their stories but always afraid of the past catching up with them. The last one...Well, he is just childish, silly and Louis Tomlinson. Their lives are crazy, messed up, and ridiculous, but it's always rainbows. (Larry Stylinson, Niam Horayne, and ZaynXOC)

__________________________________________

 

WARNING: THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A STORY ABOUT TWO MALES FALLEN IN LOVE AND GOING THROUGH THE PROCESSES OF LOVE. If you for any reason you find homosexual relationship not to your fancy, then please do not read this and comment on it hatefully. 

 

_________________________________

-Louis is an aerial silk performer

-Harry is a juggler and works with the big cats

-Zayn is an elephant rider and a trapeze artist

-Liam is the owner's son and trapeze artist

-Niall is a sword swallower 

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	2. Chapter 2

Honestly It's Always Rainbows-Chapter One

_____________________

Life is crazy, especially if you work at Payne's Circus, where five best friends do. One of them was born to be a circus freak, with a level head for business and relationships. One of them is just plan crazy and he knows it, but it's how he has always been. Two of them are run aways, never really having the guts to tell their stories but always afraid of the past catching up with them. The last one...Well, he is just childish, silly and Louis Tomlinson. Their lives are crazy, messed up, and ridiculous, but it's always rainbows. (Larry Stylinson, Niam Horayne, and ZaynXOC)

_____________________

Louis's P.O.V

____________________

 

Have you ever wanted to be part of a circus? Either once when you were little and saw one or when you were older and wanted to leave your family behind? Did you think of your talents or what you might bring to the table? Did you have dreams of being a tight rope walker or a lion tamer or maybe, even an elephant rider? Did you think of living your life in RVs, eating around a campfire, and having torn blankets to keep you warm on cold nights? Did you want to wear make up and tight clothing, that showed everything, no matter if you wanted it to or not? If you have answer any of those questions with a yes, if you don't care about the bad stuff, if you honestly just want to be yourself. Then a circus is the place for you, whether you are gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, transvestite, NO ONE CARES. Circus' are full of freaks, people who have unusual talents that no normal person could understand, full of people who just want to feel special. Payne's Circus has done that for me, made me feel special, even though I know I am not. I have been with the circus since I was sixteen and decided I did not want to continue my education, much to the distaste of my whole family. I was now twenty, loving every second I got to spend in front of the crowd, loving the friends I had made with the other circus people. I still remember the first day I arrived at the circus, having to spend the last bit of christmas and birthday money on a train to where it was. It was raining and muddy, but when I saw the big tent I knew I was finally home and all I had to do was talk to the ring leader.

 

-Flashback-

My TOMS kept getting stuck in the mud and it was really starting to bother me, but inside my head, I knew this was something I was going to have to get use to. I reached where all the RVs were parked, all of them labeled with names and acts, to show their pride. I reached the largest RV with the simple name of Payne on it and knocked on the door, a boy not much younger then me, fourteen or so, opened it. His hair was styled much like mine, long with fringe in his face, only his hair was dirty blonde. I fixed my glasses on my face as I offered him my hand, "My name is Louis Tomlinson and I would like to join your circus." I smiled as kindly as I could, I was always good with people in the past, most people flocked to my childish ways. He stared at my hand like it was going to give him a disease, though I know for a fact I did not have any, my mum made me get tested a couple months ago. It was the worse experience in my life, getting poked and prodded, all because I got caught have sex with a girl. The boy stuck his hand out and shook mine, before telling me to wait a moment. He returned with a man, who had the same colour hair as the younger boy, the man smiled at me.

 

"My son, Liam, tells me you want to join our circus...What do you have to offer us, boy?" I stared as the man addressed me in a gruff tone, the younger boy (Liam) stood glued to his side waiting for me to speak of the talent, the talent I wanted to share with people.

 

"Do you currently have someone working the silks...Because that's all I have to offer sir but I have an audition ready, if I can show you..." I was suddenly unsure of myself, most silk dancers were female and if there was a male, he was only there as a prop. If the circus had a silk dancer, she was probably better trained than I was and much more pretty. I nervously shifted my weight from foot to foot, waiting for the ring leader/ owner to answer me.

 

"We don't have anyone for the silks. Are you sure you can do it, boy? You look pretty weak to me..." The man looked at me thoughtfully, trying to (probably) decide if I was worth watching or not. "Well, the silks are all set up, I don't see why I can't see your routine. My name is Geoff Payne, ring leader and owner." I shook the hand the man offered, repeating my name to him with an excited grin on my face. In Doncaster, there was a community center, in the gym area they had silks. They were mostly used for the gymnastic team that trained there, but every chance I got I would work on them, finding out quickly that I was good at the silks. Geoff lead me to the biggest tent, his son following behind us with a small smile on his lips. Once inside the big top, there was two girl (Geoff's older daughters: Ruth and Nicola) and they were casually swing the silks back and forth. Their father ushered them way, I dropped my bag down in front of the bleachers, taking out my iPod and handing it to Geoff, telling him once it was hooked up, he only needed to press play. I shrugged my jacket and jumper off, before bunching the two strips of fabric together, I started climbing them. Climbing them much like ropes in gym class until I was about half way up, nodding for Geoff to start my music. The beginning notes of Shaggy's It Wasn't Me starting playing through the old speakers in the tent, when it got to the point where it said, 'Open up man.', I quickly pulled the two pieces of fabric apart. Using my upper body strength to keep me up as I made the fabric twist around my legs, then I threw my arms behind me and twist the silks once. I flipped myself upside down, bring my legs into a split, causing everyone watching to gasp. While upside down in the split, I made myself swing some, like I was swaying to the words of the song. When it got to the pop part of the song, I swung myself back up into a standing position before making the fabric swing me this time as I swung my legs around. Once I was done, I climbed my way back down the fabric and standing before the Payne family, who all had their mouths open.

 

"I know I am not the best but with lots a practice I can be as good as professionals..." I said, waiting impatiently for someone to speak, for someone to tell me if what I did was good or not. My mum and little sisters wanted nothing to do with my obsession with the silks, they thought it made me queer, that's why I had sex with that girl. To prove I wasn't but all it proved was, that I indeed was a homosexual and I am proud of myself. From a young age I had always been weird, childish, immature, and hyper, no one ever knew how to deal with me. I didn't have many friends, so I did things that would make me happy, not to make others unhappy but it always ended that way. This circus was my last chance of me being happy, if I didn't get in I would have to return home and get a normal job somewhere...

 

"Your in boy, you can share with Aiden and Matt, I've never seen anyone do any of that before." Geoff said as he stood up, grabbing my belongings and beckoning for me to follow him. "You will not start in a show until our next stop, which will be in a week. Get to know everyone, make yourself at home, but above anything else, HAVE FUN! This is a circus for christ sake!" Geoff lead me to a smaller RV, that probably only had two beds in it, if that. He knocked on the door and a boy, most likely my age, answered the door with a huge smile on his face.

 

"Geoff, Matt is not around, if that's who you are looking for, I think he is feeding the ponies..." The boy, whose name was Aiden since Matt was not around, said noticing me for the first time. "Who is the stud?"

 

"Aiden, this is Louis Tomlinson, our new silks performer." Geoff said giving me a slight push forward, until I stumbled into Aiden's arms. "Let him stay in your bed with you, not Matt, Matt would try to ruin his innocence or something." With that Geoff left me behind as he walked back to his own RV, where Liam stood, watching me.

 

-End of Flashback-

 

From that day three more people joined the circus, whom all became my friends, but none of them could ever compare to Liam and Aiden. The first to arrive after me was Zayn Malik, a boy who ran away from his family, never told anyone why he did so. Since Zayn was Muslim, Geoff had the wonderful idea of using his dark skin to his advantage, Zayn became the elephant rider until Nicola and Ruth taught him all about the trapeze. Now Zayn goes from the trapeze to elephant rider, though he always complains about the elephant riding because most children think he is Aladdin, from the Disney movie. The next one to come along was Niall Horan, he came to us during one of our shows in Dublin, where he joined to swallow swords. His one uncle use to be part of a circus and passed his talent down to his youngest nephew, who was excited to start shoving swords down his throat. Niall is one of those people, that you just can't help but like, no matter what he does. Niall and I get along well because we both talk a mile per minute, annoying everyone with in a fifteen foot radius of us, which is amusing. The last one to join us, about a year ago, was Harry Styles, a young sixteen year old boy whose only talent was juggling and the large cats seemed to have a soft spot for him. Harry is another run away, having arrived when we took a quick break in Holmes Chapel with bruises and cuts covering his baby fat body. We all knew as soon as Geoff saw the obviously mistreated boy, he would be put into the circus even if he had to have a job much like Matt's, which was to sell tickets and give pony rides. Harry became my RV partner, only having one bed in our tiny home and I got to drive it to the next venue, which I always wanted to do since I roomed with Aiden and Matt. Harry was always doing little things to make me mad, I still considered him a friend even though I wanted to kill him most of the time. Harry would bring up the fact that I have never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, much less had sex more than that one time, the time I got caught. 

 

I was sitting on the bleachers inside the big top, watching Danielle Peazer and Zayn practice their routine with the elephants, China and India. Both, China and India, were Asian elephants with the smaller ears and they are both females. Asian elephants are easier to tame and are smaller, which is good for transportation. Danielle was sitting on China's trunk and was being lifted onto her back. Our elephants are rescues, they were being mistreated at the circus they were at before Geoff bought them, sometimes they go through moods where they don't want to practice. Zayn stood up on India's back, started screaming the lyrics to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song, as he wobbled his knees around. Danielle and I started laughing loudly, watching Zayn get really into his rapping as did a douggy, I stood up and started coping his movements. "I thought you were supposed to be practicing the elephant routine..." We all froze before we turned to look at Liam, whom was smirking at us, glad that his voice sounded so much like his father's. "Scared you, didn't I?" We all started laughing again, Liam joining me up on the bleachers watching as Dani and Zayn practiced for real, we chatted happily. Once Zayn and Dani were done, I had Liam lower the silks so I could fool around on them, like I usually did on down time. I had him turn on the radio, so I had a beat to go to as I twirled around the giant strips of fabric, enjoying the tiny breeze that blew through my hair. Danielle sat down near Liam, pressed as close to him as she possibly could be, it's a shame she doesn't know that Liam is full out gay for Niall. The sword swallower stole his heart as soon as he showed up with Geoff, to share a travel trailer with Liam and Zayn, who will show him the ropes of fitting in. I continued fooling around until more people started entering the tent to work on their own acts, since mine general stayed the same, I gave up my practice time for other performers. Unlike the other performers, I didn't need to work with an animal or another human being, it was just me and two pieces of fabrics. I slid down the silks, one would picture it much like a fireman's pole, until my feet touch the grassy floor. Cher Lloyd, one of the trapeze performers, was trying to persuade Liam and Zayn to practice with her but they both refused. Zayn said he was too tired from working with the elephants and Liam said he had to stay off his one wrist until a real show, which was true since he injured it some. I was half tempted to train with her, until Ruth and Nicola walked in, already in their practice leotards and walking towards the ladders. Cher excitedly skipped over to them, talking immediately about Liam and Zayn denying her practice time. 

 

Before long, my trainee showed up for me to show her the basics of working with the silks, her name was Eleanor Calder and if I was straight I'd be with her. Eleanor was trained in classic ballet, forcefully by her parents until she had enough and left, now we are all trying to figure out what her talent is. Of course, they all assume she will be good on the silks since she is a dancer and took some gymnastics, that is was I have to stand for two hours a day and train her. Right now, all I had her doing was climbing up and down the silks since that is an important part of mastering them, it was also helping her very little upper body strength. "Come on, El, I am not asking for you to do it fast but at least make it a forth of the way up, before you stop to take a break!" I bellowed at her from where I was sitting on the bleachers, watching her struggle to get a forth of the way up the silks, stopping a lot and almost loosing her grip. I could barely understand why a girl like her would want to be in the circus, she was pretty enough to be a model, she had the brains to be a surgeon, yet here she was slowly climbing feet of fabric. She slid down when she reached the top, very clumsily she put her feet back on the ground, I also could not understand how she was a ballerina...

 

"Tomlinson, I have been looking all over for you, should have known you were with the silks." Geoff said as he busted through the flips of the big tent, seeing me up in the silks, keeping to myself as always before dinner. "I have been meaning to discuss you starting work on an aerial hoop, maybe doing a few shows on it." I looked a Geoff funny, I had never worked on an aerial hoop before in my life, I didn't even know if I could perform on it or not. I couldn't say no to him, he was my boss and in a way my savior. 

 

"I will give it a try, I don't know how good I'll be." I said as I climbed down the silks and waited for him to lower the hoop down. An aerial hoop is just a big circle with a little of fabric at the top of it, to use as a handle when you are suspended in the air. I wasn't wearing performing or practicing clothes, I was wearing one of Ruth's old cropped tops (that was light pink) and a pair of worn joggers, but I climbed on the hoop anyway. Geoff then raised the hoop eight feet off the ground, nothing drastic since I wasn't even sure I could do it. I started doing some tricks I had seen done before, like hanging upside down like a trapeze artist, doing a flip around it, even spinning myself in a circle. The latter one though, was a huge mistake as I went to do another flip, I lost my grip and it caused me to go falling to the ground. Usually falling eight feet wouldn't do much damage, maybe you might just hit your head but I decided to try to stop myself by putting out my hands, only thing that happened was a nasty cracking sound. I laid on the ground, whining and screaming, I had never felt anything like this in my entire life, it felt like my arm was on fire. Geoff rushed over to me as soon as I landed on the ground, kneeling down next to me, trying to examine my arm. "Geoff, I think I broke it, what am I going to do?" That's what I continued to mutter, 'what am I going to do?', I muttered it in the ride to the hospital, once I was getting x-rayed, even when they were putting the cast of it. How was I supposed to be able to perform, when my arm was in a cast for at least four weeks, four weeks is an entire month. 

 

"In about two months time the circus will be back in Doncaster, Louis maybe you should think about going home until your arm is healed." Geoff said on the drive back to the site, I just sat there listening to him and glaring at my stupid red cast. "I'll pay for your train ticket, since I force you into the hoop too soon and you can visit your family." I didn't want to agree with him but again he is my boss and I cannot say no to him, no matter how much I want to. I didn't want to see my family, sure I called them every other week, allowing them to know that I am still alive. I talk to my five sisters, listening as they tell me about what goes on in their lives and how much they love our new step father, Mark. I talk to my mum about my old friends, the ones who never really understood me and my ways, she also tells me about her new husband. I loved them, they were my family but I would rather keep my love for them to be through the phone. Now I would go and see them, for the first time in four years, all because I had to fall off an aerial hoop. No worries though, it's always rainbows when you are part of the Payne Circus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed. :) <3


	3. Chapter 3

Honestly It's Always Rainbows: Chapter Two.

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Louis's P.O.V

_________________________

 

As soon as Geoff and I arrive back from the hospital, news had spread of my accident and the circus family all sat around, waiting for my return. When I climbed out of the old beat up pick-up truck, Liam pulled me into a tight hug, being very careful of my cast. I had to explain over and over again how it happened, how I had made myself a little dizzy and lost my grip, how I fell from eight feet in the air and broke my stupid arm. The only person who wasn't out waiting for me was Harry, Harry never stayed with the family very long, I think it has something to do with his old life. Once I made it to my caravan, I opened the door and walked inside as quietly as I could, thinking Harry was asleep. "How stupid are you?" I turned around in shock to see Harry completely awake and staring at me, well he was glaring at me. "Why would you even agree to put yourself on that damned aerial hoop, when you have no clue what you are doing? Your allowed to say no to Geoff once in a while, like when it is putting your bloody life in danger!" Harry was anger, I could tell from the vein that was popping out of his neck and his eyebrows crunched up together. If he was this anger now, how is he going to react to me being gone for two months to visit the family I hardly talk about. I knew I had to tell him, knowing that I was leaving before we left for the next venue, but how do you tell someone that? How do you tell someone, who barely cares about you, that you are leaving them alone for two months? 

 

"Harry, I know I was stupid okay, don't you think I know that?" I made a gesture with my casted arm, emphasizing that I know I messed up and I did not need a seventeen year old to lecture me. I flopped down on our bed, cuddling up to one of my many stuffed animals we had, Harry sat down on the edge still glaring at me but his face had soften some. "Harry, I have to leave for two months...I am going to go stay with my family..." Harry had a thing for when families were discussed, he always tried to leave, only returning when he knew for sure the conversation was over. His glare instantly turned into a scared look, then it went to a shocked look, he almost could not figure out what he was supposed to feel. "Geoff has a girl that is coming in to take my act for the two months, I'll meet back up with the circus in Doncaster..."

 

"You can't leave me, Louis, you promised you wouldn't leave me to sleep alone...You know what happens when I sleep by myself..." Harry was in a panic when he slept by himself, which was not often, he got horrible nightmares. Nightmares that I assume were about his past life, about his family, but most of all, about the reason he showed up with bruises and cuts. I flipped over and sat up, crawling myself into Harry's lap and snuggling up to him. My casted right arm, cradled in my own lap as I wrapped my good left hand around Harry's neck, his arms quickly encircling my waist. "Whose going to drive me to the venues? I don't have my drivers license, what if I get stuck with like the bearded lady? She hates me for some reason!" 

 

"Hazza, Anna hates you because you constantly call her the bearded lady, you've never used her real name before..." I chuckled slightly as I spoke, burying my forehead on Harry's shoulder before I continued to speak. "I'll have either Liam or Zayn drive you, plus I'll have one of the boys stay the night with you. I would never leave you without making sure you were okay, no matter how much you make fun of me." Harry laughed and I reached my hand up to run my fingers through his curly hair, watching the curls spring back into their natural place.

 

Harry and I ended up spending the entire night curled up and entwined together, my typical sleeping buddy, a four foot long dolphin named Flippy was left untouched all night. We woke up to Niall entering our RV to tell us that it was time to wake up for breakfast, only to have this remind Harry I will be gone in a week, leaving him to almost wake up with a stranger. We went to the folding tables, that were about eight feet by two feet, with a bunch of folding camping chairs in a pile near a trailer. Harry grabbed his and mine, mine was a pink Disney Princess one and Harry's was blue, that Zayn drew Harry on it in sharpie. We put our chairs at a table that already seated: Liam; Niall; Zayn and Aiden, all chatting happily. "Sure, Liam and I will take turns driving baby Hazza around, Niall already claimed sleeping with Harry because he wanted to lay with all your stuffies." Zayn said, throwing a wink at Liam who frowned, finding out that Niall wanted to sleep with Harry and not him. 

 

"Li, don't act like you don't want to sleep with Flippy too, he's so adorable!" Niall squealed out just as Karen, Liam's mum, rang the bell, signaling that breakfast was done and on the table. Performers always ate first, then animal handlers, and final alternatives and the owners. Niall, Liam, Zayn, and Aiden all hopped up and rushed to the table, while Harry stayed by my side until it was alternatives turns to go. "I forgot you weren't a performer anymore, what are you going to do during our performances?"

 

"I'll watch the first one this morning and during the night one, I'll probably go and see the game booths, win some new stuffed animals." I said excitedly at the thought of new stuffies, Harry sighed thinking of how tiny our bed space was going to become. Everyone continued to talk until Eleanor walked up to me, tears in her eyes as she wrapped me into a hug, before I could blink. 

 

"Lou-bear, I am so so sorry, I heard about the aerial hoop, was it scary?" Eleanor sobbed out into my neck, not that I had a clue on why she was sorry, it's not like it was her fault. She continued to sob random things into my neck as she clenched onto me tightly, Harry looking madder by the minute. I slowly detached myself from Eleanor and told her the whole story, in between bites of my breakfast. Geoff came over and gave everyone the hour marker for the first show, meaning most of them had to go and warm up. I went to Matt's booth, forcing him into giving me a bracelet so I could ride all the rides and play all the games without paying, I had to promise to introduce him to my family (When the circus was in Doncaster in two months). I had to run to the big top, to make it in time to see Geoff walk into the center of the performance area, I took a seat in the direct middle of the bleachers. 

 

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages to the Payne's Circus. I am sorry to announce that we will not have an aerial silk act today because our performer recently had an injury." Some children and older people made sounds of disapproval, which secretly made me feel good because that meant they wanted to see my act. "Our first act of the morning is the Prince and Princess of the Elephants, watch as they dance and interact with their large friends. Our two elephants are China and India, they are both female Asia elephants. Enjoy!" Geoff exited through the performer flap, right as Zayn and Dani came riding in on the back of our elephants. Zayn was wearing a pair of capris, that short of ballooned out around his legs, and a vest that showed his toned chest. Danielle was wearing pants, that also ballooned out around her legs, a cropped tank top that had coin like pieces, and see through fabric over her nose and mouth. A little girl that was not sitting far from me, gasped and squealed that the circus has Aladdin in it, I chuckled thinking of Zayn's reaction. At the current moment Zayn and Dani were both standing on the elephant's backs, doing hand stands and walking in a circle. The music playing was typical Indian music, the kind you picture with a cobra and a man with a flute, it had a nice flow to it. Soon Danielle flipped off China's back, landing off to her side before ending the act sitting on China's trunk. The crowd erupted into applause as they made their way out of the big top, waving and smiling the whole time, I had never seen their full performance before. "Now our Clowns will make their way into the tent." Geoff's voice filled the speakers and right after the sound of a car honking was heard, "Here they come now!" One of our clowns came running in, driving a cardboard car and making honking noises. I tried to stay away from the clowns as much as I could, it's not that I was scared of them but outside of the shows, they were mean men. Only one of them was nice and that was Wagner, before my eyes stood all five of our clowns. Wagner was the one in the middle with long salt and pepper hair, he refused to wear a wig since his hair was natural frizzy and crazy. They did their act quickly and before I knew Harry was standing the middle of the area, smiling brightly at all the children that gawked at him. 

 

"I'm Harry and I am here to juggle, but first I need a helper out of the audience!" Harry spoke, the microphone that was clipped onto his black Ramones T-shirt was only visible if you looked closely, all the children had their hands up and shouting loudly at him. Harry scanned the crowd, trying to pick the best person, his eyes brightening when he saw me but he picked a little girl three rows up. "What's your name, Princess?" The little girl mumbled something into Harry's ear before smiling at him, waving at her mum too. "This is Rosie everyone and she is going to toss things at me to juggle." He lead Rosie over to a plastic tote, with who knows what inside of it, gesturing into it before speaking again. "Rosie can throw anything at me that is inside this tote and I can juggle it, that is a promise." Harry started his act without a hitch, three tennis balls in his hands, juggling them without problem. Soon he gave Rosie the go-ahead to pick something out of the tote, she reached in and pulled out a rubber chicken, tossing it towards Harry. By the end of Harry's act, he had: the three balls he started out with; a rubber chicken, a stuffed bear (Which I was sure was mine); two bowling pins and a glass vase. He tossed everything back into the tote, except for the glass vase which he held in his one hand and waved with another. Harry was amazing at juggling, not that I did not already know that because he would juggle in our RV all the time, tossing around my stuffed animals. I watched Liam and Zayn flip Cher around in the air, during their trapeze act, which amazed me to no end. I would sometimes work on the trapeze with Liam and Zayn because I was lighter than Cher, shocking I know, I just have a tiny body frame. The trapeze act always made me chuckle though because both Liam and Zayn had to wear full body leotards, that were sparkly and full of glitter, making both boys like girly. 

 

When all the performances were done I went around the side of the tent, where all the family was chatting happily and waiting for lunch to be done, they had several hours until the next show. I talked with all my circus friends until Geoff came over and told me I was leaving in the morning to catch my train, that I should pack during down time. In the RV, I pulled my gym bag and back pack out, packing as many clothes in a possible could. Also throwing in photos of the circus family and a two of my favorite stuffed animals, Adam the Ape and Shamu the Orca Whale. Just when I zipped the last bag up, Harry walked in flinging himself onto our bed, speaking into the pillow causing it to get muffled. "Haz, repeat without your head in the pillow, so I can hear you."

 

"I said I don't want you to leave, it'll be boring without your awesome gayness." Harry said that once he pulled his head out of the pillow staring at me with intense in his eyes. "Who is going to wear cropped tops and fuzzy boots, other than the girls of course?" I jumped on top of Harry, cradling him into my breast like a mother would do, only I don't have breast. 

 

"I'll only be gone for two months, you can text me or even call me, time will fly by!" I said running my fingers through his hair, thinking about how breaking my arm has brought us closer together, then living side by side for a year. "Niall, Liam, and Zayn with keep you company, maybe Aiden can teach you some tight rope stuff." Harry really wasn't listening to me, I think he was having a separation problem, probably because we have spent so much time together. 

 

"What if you decide to not come back? What if you prefer living with your family, seeing how easy it is for you there, not having to do anything?" Harry said looking out our tiny window next to the bed, staring slightly into space while he continued to talk. "What if you leave me? I need you, Louis, I might not act like it all the time but I do. You save me from my nightmares and inner-thoughts of turmoil, when I am with you everything is happy." I hugged Harry tightly to me, as tight as I could, trying to mesh us into one person. Secretly I needed Harry too, Harry reminded me that the circus was more than a chosen lifestyle, sometimes it was the only way for life. Harry made me feel wanted because I made his nightmares go away, made me feel loved, even though he never told me he loved me.

 

"I would never leave you Harry, I love you too much, even though I don't tell you all the time. I need you just as much as you need me, so I would return to you because we are a family now." I said in a soft voice because that is all I could talk in, this intimate moment would be ruined by my normal voice. We laid cuddling together for a long time, way past the sunset and until the dinner bell rang, pulling us out of our own little world. We walked to where our chairs were set up at hand and hand, smiling sadly as I had to tell everyone I was leaving in the morning, eating slowly and enjoying the conversation. When everyone had to leave to get ready, I headed to get on the rides and play some games, the first thing I headed for was The Zipper. It was a ride that resembled a giant trouser zipper, the thing you sit in looked like the part you pull to close the zipper. It always made my stomach feel weird because you get flipped all around and upside down, it was so much fun though, you can't deny it. Then I moved to the game booth where you shoot the water gun into the clown's mouth, I wanted to win the tiny frog that was hanging by the hook, it was going to be mine. I took my seat, waiting for a few more people to join the game, then winning Mr. Ribbit. I played more games, having to make many trips back to the caravan to drop off piles of stuffies, laughing thinking about Harry's face. 

 

When Harry arrived after the last show, having "shower" with the hose and soap, he returned to our bed covered in stuffed animals. I was trying to name all the new ones, without repeating any names, which seemed to get harder and harder. "Look Hazza, aren't they all so beautiful and adorable? I only picked the cute one!" I told him excitedly as I putt Mr. Ribbit in my pile of frogs, looking at the unnamed pile that still had four in it. 

 

"I thought you weren't going to win a whole bunch, Lou, we're going to have to sleep flat against each other every night." Even though Harry spoke the words negatively, I couldn't help but thinking I wouldn't mind that, wouldn't mind sleeping up against Harry. I wouldn't mind having his arms wrapped around me as I either curled up into his side or had my head cradled on his chest, is that normal? Is it normal to want to sleep close together with your caravan mate, who sometimes ignores your entire presence? Why am I worried about what is normal, I work for a freaking circus, I am far from normal. I pushed all the named stuffed animals to the unused side of the bed leaving the four I have yet to name in a pile. I then got hit with the idea of giving them to my four little sisters, it was perfect, I pushed them into the remaining space in my gym bag. "Going to give them to your sister?"

 

"Yeah, I think it'll be a good 'Sorry I left for four years and only calling you biweekly' gift." I said crawling up on to the bed, laying my head on my pillow as Harry stripped down to his boxers, before he joined me up by his pillow. He stared at me for a while, as if he was formulating what he wanted to say inside his head, like it was a important. 

 

"I was thinking, we should switch jumpers, you take my purple Jack Wills one and I'll take that knit white one you like to wear." He said, a shy smile playing at his lips but he's eyes shined with fear.

 

"I think that is a great idea, that way you know I will be coming back, if not for anything else but to get my jumper back." I said, quickly drifting off into sleep shortly after, being tired from my day of nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed. :) <3


	4. Chapter 4

Honestly, It's Always Rainbows- Chapter Three

Picture on the side is Louis's outfit at the party. :) <3

_________________________________

Louis's P.O.V.

_________________________________

 

Clothed in a purple Jack Wills jumper, I exited out of the beat up truck at the train station, holding my ticket firmly in my hand as I waved with the other to Geoff. The train station was full of people in business suits and others with backpack, I hoped I did not stand out much. It always nerved me, thinking I would get picked on or bullied, like people could smell my homosexuality or know I worked in a circus. I had my iPod playing my Fray playlist in my ear as I took my seat, my gym bag going up on to rack above my head with my backpack on the seat next to me. Four hours later, the train is pulling up to the Doncaster station, exiting with my bags in hand. 

 

When I walked into the lobby there was a well decorated sign that read, "Boobear", with six figures standing around it, looking around for someone they had not seen in four years. I took a deep breath and took shaky steps toward the group of people, four blonde little girls, a brunette woman and a dark haired man, all waiting for me. The first ones to notice me were two girls, who looked exactly alike and that would be because they were twins, breaking away from the group and launching themselves onto my legs. "Louis, Louis, we missed you!" They screamed in unison, looking up at with identical blue eyes, that matched mine to a tee and one was missing a front tooth. I was surprised they remembered me because they were only four when I left, if any of my sister were to remember me my money was on Charlotte, who was ten. The twins, Daisy and Phoebe (the one with the missing tooth), pulled me to where the others were standing, smiling at our mother. "We found him before you." My mum pulled me close to her quickly, making the gym bag I was holding fall to the ground and my broken arm to twist in a way it was never meant to but it had been four years without my mother's hugs. Four years of using Karen (Liam's mum) to tell problems I would normal tell my own mother, caring for all the performers younger than me like I would my own sisters, and looking to Geoff as the father I always wanted. Now I was being introduced to Mark, a man who has been married to my mum for over a year but has been dating her since I ran away, only then it was a secret. He shakes my hand, telling me that my mother has never aloud him to touch my room, knowing that one day I will return, even if it was just to visit. Guilt entered the pit of my stomach, I would have never returned home if I didn't break my arm, I would have continued to live in the circus until I either died or picked a new place to reside. Lottie and Felicity hug me together, asking me about the circus and I promised to tell them stories tomorrow because I just want to go home and sleep for a while. 

 

The next day I woke up to giggles and shushing noises, which belonged to all four of my sisters sitting on the foot of my bed waiting for me to wake up, giggling at me holding a pillow like I usual would Flippy. "Watya do'n m'room?" I asked them, my brain still trying to hold on to the last bit of sleep and my eyes feeling heavy with sleep, rubbing them as Fizz decided to answer my question.

 

"We wanted to know about the circus Lou, you promised to tell us today, so we woke up early and brought snacks." Daisy hands me a box of animal crackers, the ones that come in the circus decorated, a bag a popcorn, peanuts, and malteasers, smiling proudly at me before settling herself back against the footboard. "Come on Boo, what's it like? You'd never tell us on the phone, tell us some stories, what do your mates do?" I chuckled at Fizz's eagerness, smiling thinking about what stories to tell them and where to start. 

 

"It's amazing there, magical even, everyday is an adventure and I get to make children like you happy all day long." I said smiling as my little sister's opened up the bag of popcorn, throwing a few pieces into their mouths as I continued to tell stories. "When I left here I had to audition almost, to be the circus and I was nervous as anything, thinking that I might have to come back here empty handed. I got there and my audition was watched by Geoff (The owner and ringleader), his son Liam (who is my best friend and does trapeze), his daughters Ruth and Nicola (who are both semi-retired from trapeze since Liam can do it now), all of them found my routine to their liking. I was scared about living in the RVs once I knew I was in but I got to share with Aiden and Matt, who are honestly the best people in the world, like no lie." The girls giggled and asked to tell them funny stories about my circus friends, which was amazing because they were going to enjoy my stories or I hoped they would. "Well, I guess I can tell you a few..."

 

-Flashback #1 (Louis's seventeenth birthday party)-

 

"Leeyum! Leeyum! Liam, seriously, where in bloody hell are you?" I screamed outside of his new RV, the one he was given for his sixteenth birthday which was in September and it is now December, the month of my birth. "Liam, come on, I want to go to bed and it's freezing out here, it's my birthday..." I had been a part of the circus for nine months, missing my easy life when all I had to do was wake up but loving my new life of excitement. I continued to bang on the door, since it was locked and Liam never gave me a key to it yet, suddenly something touched my shoulder. I turned around to see Aiden smiling at me, he grabbing my hand and started pulling me towards the big top, confused as I was I trusted Aiden with every fiber of my being. He covered my eyes with his hands as we walked into the big top, stopping just inside the flap and when he uncovered my eyes, a loud shout of 'surprise!' filled my ears. "A...A party for my birthday? Really?" Tears streamed down my face as I took in my new circus family, all standing around in their normal clothes, presents stacked high on the bleachers and a cake on the table in the center ring. 

 

"Did you think we wouldn't do something for your first birthday with us? It's special when one of our children grows another year older, love, now let's eat cake then you can open up your presents." Karen said as she walked over the they cake, that was store bought but had my name written on it in red icing sugar, cutting it for everyone to have a piece. A boy with dark coloured skin and dark hair, recently joined the circus and was staying with Liam and I, his name was Zayn and he was a runaway, not telling anyone his true back story. He stood next to me, smiling for the first time since he showed up here in dirty clothes and with nothing, not even a backpack or gym bag. I smiled back at him, throwing an arm over his shoulder as he ate some cake and I looked around at everyone. 

 

"Most of us have had your presents for months, just been hiding them from you but Ruth and I couldn't figure out what to get you, so we're giving you some of our old clothes." Nicola said as handed me a paper grocery bag, full of cropped tops and booty shorts, I snorted thinking that I would never wear them. "Don't snort, you'll wear them and everyone knows it, it's just how you are Tommo and we love you for it." Liam had bought me a four foot stuffed dolphin, which I named Flippy right away, and a white knitted sweater he bought at a thrift store. Geoff and Karen bought me, my first full body leotard, ironically enough it was rainbow with glitter on it. Aiden bought me face-paint and make-up remover, saying that I could put swirls on my face or use it to meet a lovely new boy. I got a piece of paper from Matt that read, 'Free Driving Lesson from Cardle's Circus Driving School' and a plushie elephant, named Ellie. Over-all it was not a bad birthday, mum and the girls called me, mum telling me about her boyfriend proposing to her. 

 

-End of Flashback-

 

"They gave you girl clothes?! Did you wear them, Lou-lou?" Lottie asked as I finished my first story, observing the normal t-shirt I was wearing, that was in fact a boy's shirt. 

 

"Of course I do, I wear them all the time in fact, they are comfortable and they make my bum look delicious!" I squealed out as the girls made grossed out faces at the fact I like women's clothing, but it doesn't really bother me, I know it is a little weird. "On with the next story then, ya?"

 

-Flashback #2 (Niall joining the circus)-

 

There was an obnoxious banging on the RV door, one that was pounding into my hung-over head, I should have never went to that pub with Zayn. Ireland was Zayn big excuse to go out drinking, that and he had recently turned eighteen so he could legally drink in public. "Li, get the bloody door you bugger, if this is your way of torturing us, imma kill you!" Zayn growled out from his bunk, that was located over the top of the driving cab and I rolled of the bed, before Liam even thought of getting up. I opened the door and boy, not much younger than me, stood before me with blonde hair and light blue eyes.

 

"Yeah, mate, how can I help you?" I muttered out as I rubbed the heel of my hands against my eyes, trying to rub the sleep from them as it was still the middle of the night. The boy shuffled from foot to foot as he kept his gaze at the ground, only looking up for a few seconds then back down again. 

 

"I, uhm, I...I wanted to know if I could join this circus?" The boy stammered out nervously as he began playing with his hands, I smiled thinking back to when I first came to the circus, how nervous I was myself. "I have been searching through all the RVs and this is the only one I have found so far with the name 'Payne' on it, are you the owner of the circus?" I shook my head at the boy, putting up a finger signaling to give me a second as I went to rise Liam and find out where Geoff was parked at. 

 

"The owner is behind the big top but he won't be up at this hour, trust me, how about you and I go someplace for tea and come back when I know he'll be awake, ya?" I asked the blonde boy as I grabbed Zayn's leather-man jacket off the counter near the door, shutting the door and smiling at the boy again. 

 

"Yeah, that sounds nice, I'm Niall by the way and I swallow swords."

 

-End of Flashback- 

 

"A SWORD SWALLOWER? No way? So cool!" A voice screamed from my doorway and there stood my new stepfather, walking into the room and plopping himself down on the floor. "I always thought sword swallowers were the best part, it is so amazing!"

 

"When the circus comes in two months, I'll introduce you to Niall, Mark, he always loves when people fawn over his talent." I smiled kindly at Mark, my newish stepfather before I started my next story.

 

-Flashback #3 (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow pt. 2)-

 

"I-I just...I...MY FEELINGS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE!" Niall screamed as we walked out of the theater, passing a group of teenagers our age, whom were all staring at us weirdly. "I will never ever hate on Serverus Snape again, do you hear me? Never!" 

 

"That is until you watch movies one through six, where he is a jerk and you start cursing him out again, like you do every time we watch them." I said as I rolled my eyes, from where I was perched on Zayn's back because I was too lazy to walk back to the circus site.

 

"Well, it's all J.K. Rowlings' fault really, she made sure we would all hate him until the final moment." Niall said as Liam nodded his head in agreement, I nodded too thinking that his logic was sound. "I mean, she honestly made our thoughts of him shift back and forth. Like we were, kind of, okay with him because Dumbledore trusted him but that all changed when Snape murdered him. So, then we all, pretty much, wanted to burn Snape up until where Potter looks at his memories through the penseive bowl, and now OUR EMOTIONS ARE EVERY WHERE!" 

 

"Uhm, hey are you guys new here or visiting?" A random girl asked us as we were walking past her, Zayn stopped to answer her question as I took a good look at her. She was pretty normal looking with brown hair, brown eyes and pale skin, her friends looked on at her almost angry like. 

 

"We're kind of, visiting, we're part of the Payne Circus." Zayn said all mysterious like as he pointed ahead of where you could just make out the big top, the girl followed his finger smiling slightly.

 

"I thought so, I saw the show this morning, missed my college classes to and everything. I thought you all were amazing, especially you, silk performer." She said smiling at us all brightly, even Matt who was not really part of the performers. "I told my friends I thought it was you guys, their a little mad I was excited to see you all outside of the circus, said it made me childish. But I don't think they completely understand the magic that happens at a circus. We're all in ballet, you see, so it is constant seriousness all the time, like not fun at all. We love it though, it like runs through our veins and we breath it, much like how you all must feel about the circus." Her smile was so genuine and she understood how we all felt, the circus was our life. "I have to go, we're heading home from watching Harry Potter, kind of funny how, you all saw it and you already live a magic filled life." She walked away then, her back to us as she pranced back to the group of girls, who all had their nose stuck up at us. If I would have known then that, the girl who talked to us would join the circus two years later, I probably would have talked to her more but we left her alone and kept walking towards our warm-ish beds. 

 

-End of Flashback-

 

"I am so glad you are all enjoying Louis company but breakfast is done and we have a party to start getting ready for." My mum spoke from the door, scaring all of us a little bit but nevertheless we got up and went to eat breakfast, before starting to decorate for my coming home party. It was mostly for my mum and stepdad to show me off to all of their friends, their "long lost" child has returned home for a few months because of an injury, plus circus freaks were entertaining. My mum made us hang streamers in my favourite colours, which obviously was rainbow, banners with my name all over them, pictures of myself: baby ones and ones from the circus. The girls were toting around the stuffed animals I gave them, treating them as if they were gifts from the Queen, not cheap stuffies. The house was decorated along with the garden, twinkle lights, cake, and food, lots of food. "People will be arriving soon, Lou, go change into your most comfortable outfit."

 

I headed up to my room, ruffling through my bag for clothes that I thought were comfortable and my mum would approve of but in the end, I decided to wear what I liked. That was a pair of rainbow booty shorts, that I wasn't entirely sure how I got and a Superman crop top, that was original Liam's but I cut it with scissors. I headed back down the stairs, holding a pair of red TOMS as the girls stood staring at me oddly, "Are those some of the clothes from the girl trapeze artists?" Fizz asked as she stared at my rainbow shorts, old enough to wonder where exactly my penis was being held in them, her eyebrow raised in a questionable manner. 

 

"It's called tucking for a reason, Fizz." Lottie said as she rolled her eyes and walked out the back door, right as mum starting to say an introduction for me, then I walked out in all my flamboyant gayness. Oddly enough, no one cared about what I was wearing, they wanted to know how dirty the circus was, what was it like being away from my parents, why did I run away, what did I eat, were there a lot of birds? The last one coming from a very old friend of mine, one of the only ones I ever had really but alas he was always a little slow.

 

"I'm gay, Stan, I don't care about birds, they scare me a little bit to be honest." I said causing Stan to bust out laughing, remembering the time the pigeon (who I named Kevin) flew into my room, I cried for days. Stan and I made plans to hang out over my two months here and I even told him to see my first performance back, along with my sisters, of course. 

 

That night after the party I got a simply text, three words that made my heart skip a beat and it was silly but it caused me to realize...I loved the person who sent me the text, I loved them in more than a friend way and it just snuck up on me. I had never thought about it before because we were with each other all the time, but now that I was away from him...It was all there...all of it and it scared me...

 

New Message- From: Harry

 

I miss you. x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is shorter than the others. :S
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcomed.


	5. Chapter 5

Honestly, It's Always Rainbows- Chapter Four

____________________

Louis's P.O.V.

____________________

 

I tugged Stanley through the caravans, weaving our way to where I knew Geoff would be this early in the morning, most people were still sleeping or waiting for breakfast to get ready. I had spent the two months spending all my time with Stan, he even went with me to get my cast off and when I practiced the silks with the gymnastic, that's where I learned that Stan worked on the aerial hoop. He was surprising good at it, which gave me the idea of introducing him to Geoff, maybe have him join my act. While running past all the RVs I noticed that mine was far away from everyone else's, that's weird considering we usually like staying close together, but shrugged it off as Geoff and Karen came into my sights. "I'M HOME!" I screamed as I let go of Stan's hand to bound into Karen's waiting arms, smiling like a fool as she hugged me back, Geoff patting me on the back happily. "Geoff and Karen, this is one of my best mates, Stan, and you'll never guess what he can do? Stan works on the aerial hoop, one that is at the Youth Center, so I was thinking maybe he should join my act. I was thinking he could go first, then we could do duet kind of thing, finishing with my solo act. It will look amazing and he can stay in the extra bed in my RV!" I stood looking at Geoff with my most serious face I had, which wasn't very serious because that was not me in all honesty, but I really thought this was a good idea. I thought what could be better than having an act the same length as the other performances, a full performance and I would never have to get on the aerial hoop again, plus I would have Stan with me. 

 

"I think it sounds like an amazing plan, Lou, two months from the circus and you get smarter, how is that even possible?" Geoff joked as he let out a chuckle, reaching forward to shake Stan's hand while Karen continued to hold me. "Welcome to the family Stan, your lucky to have Louis as a friend, you'll go far with him." We said our goodbyes to Geoff and Karen, learning that my first show back was tomorrow and Stan was to perform at the next place, so we had time to practice. I decided Stan and I should drop our bags off in the RV, then we could join everyone for breakfast and introduce them to Stan. I was going to knock on the door but I decided it was my RV, I bought half of it and the other half was paid for by Liam as a birthday gift one year. Plus, Harry and Niall would have had clothes on, so it's not like I would be walking into anything weird. When I walked in, I dropped my bags and not on purpose, I was shocked at what I saw and tears started to prickle in my eyes.

 

"What in bloody hell is?" I screamed at the two sleeping figures in my bed, my bed empty of all my stuffed animals and a pile of clothes by the foot of the bed. "You fucking shag someone in our bed, OUR BED? Where are my stuffed animals at, Harry, where the hell did you hide them at, so you could shag someone?" Harry and the girl sat up quickly at the sound of my screaming voice, the girl clutching the blanket to her naked body. Tears were opening streaming down my face now, I hadn't received another text from Harry but the I miss you one, thinking that he was just busy with the other boys. After I realized I had a crush on Harry, I text him all the time I could but never got anything back, now I know it was because he was shagging someone. "This is why you stopped texting me because you were shagging someone in our bed, my bed, my RV...I...I hate you, Harry, I want you out of my fucking caravan by the time I come back, all of your shit, starting with your bloody jumper." I ripped the purple jumper off of my skinny body and throwing it at the stunned, now homeless, boy sitting on my bed, before I turned around and jumped into Stan's arms.

 

"Lou...Louis, you can't mean that, you can't just kick me out for this!" Harry said, his body shaking with what I assume is fear and tears, but at this point I couldn't care, I was too upset to even care about his well being. "You promised you wouldn't leave me, you said you loved me..."

 

"Well, I lied, I'm a bloody liar. I hate you and you're getting out of my fucking caravan, find a new sucker to shack up with because I am done with you, Harry Styles, done." I buried my face into Stan's neck and he carried be out of the RV, carried me all the way to his house, which was only a block away. I clung to him, crying into his neck until he placed me on his bed and cuddled up to me, rubbing calming circles on my back. I cried into his pillow, "Stan, I...I...he...our bed...our bed..." I am sure Stanley was confused about why I was so upset or maybe he just understood, possible he didn't care. He calmed me though, carefully rubbing my back, whisper mean words about a boy he never got the chance to me. 

 

We ended up spending the night at Stan's house, eating dinner with his family and mine together, the girls talking about going to the circus tomorrow with my mum and Stan. When I got back to the circus, I opened up my caravan door, making sure Harry was long gone and he was. I pulled out my rainbow leotard, pulled it on quickly, I ate breakfast at Stan's and had to run here. Once the leotard was pulled on my body, I slipped on a pair of joggers and painted my face like usual, rushing out of the place as fast as I could. Liam saw me before anyone else did, scooping me up into a hug and swinging me around like a girl or a rag doll, causing me to giggle as he set me down on the ground. Aiden was next, hugging me as close to his body as he could, behind him in a corner near Ed Sheeran (He worked the music and lighting) was Harry, who had puffy eyes. More people welcomed me back with smiling faces, Niall excited to have me home again, having missed my "fabulous self". "What really sucks is that I didn't even get to sleep with Flippy because your replacement was in the caravan every night since she arrived, not one night with that damned four foot dolphin." Niall pouted out while Zayn was doing his elephant act, Liam slightly smug about not having to share Niall, they day Niall realizes Liam's feelings will not come too soon. "I mean, I'm glad Harry met someone, it kind of sucks she had to leave but I am totally glad your back and with a new friend!"

 

"News travels fast here, why did I never know that until now?"

 

"Louis, dad told me this morning at breakfast, I told Niall and Zayn about your boy toy." Liam said smiling smugly at me, like he won money or something, when all he did was imply that Stan and I had something going on. "I mean, let's be honest, you are gone for two month, you head back home. You meet up with your old childhood friend, who has grown up and has abs of steel, you all get your gay freak on...Boom! He magically gets into the circus and I am not the only one that thinks this, Cher saw him carry you yesterday, so ha!" 

 

"See that all sounds lovely on paper but Stan carried me yesterday because I was crying too hard to walk, I kicked Harry out of my RV yesterday, caught him shagging the girl in my bed and he put all my stuffies in the bathroom." I told Liam, smirking because I had the head up and I had gotten over my sadness yesterday, thinking of all the hours I cried and continuing to smile at Liam. "It's just Stan and me in my caravan now, maybe he will become my boy toy, a person can only be single for so long." I winked at Liam, wanting to rile Harry up more than he already was and I know I did when I hear his breath hitch, I had no plans of being with Stan in that way though, he was too much of a friend. I started stretching as Niall went out to swallow his swords, shaking my arms out and getting myself in the right mind set, pushing all of Harry drama out of my head. Stan, my mum and the girls were in the stands, they were here to see me perform at my best, not screw up because I gave my heart away too easily. 

 

"Good luck, Lou." Harry whispered as I begin to walk out the flap to do my act, I am sure he saw how my body stiffened but I quickly made my exited as Geoff announced my act. I stood before the silks in all my gay pride, waving to the crowd as the first notes of my music became to play. I put held onto the different pieces of silk and swung slightly over the crowd, listening as the all awed before I climbs up the silks like it was a gym rope, when I stopped once I reached the middle. Once there I flipped myself upside down before moving my head and legs in sync with the music, then twirling myself around one piece of silk like a stripper pole. 

 

When my act was done, I quickly shucked myself out of the leotard, throwing on some casual clothes to go and spend time with my family at the other part of the circus. I ran back into the big top, nearly knocking Harry over as I ran straight into Stan's arms, where he quickly swung me around to his back as he continued walking. The girls giggled at our silliness back continued their walk to the fair part, talking excitedly about they games they were going to play as we ended in front of Matt's booth. "Matt, this is my family! My mum, Jay, and my sisters: Lottie; Fizz; Daisy and Phoebe, now I have filled my end of our bargain from months ago." I said each name and pointed to the person from where I sat on Stan's back, smiling at Matt as he gave the girls their unlimited bracelets and snapped them on their wrist. "This is Stan, he'll be living in my caravan with me, he'll also have an act and will be eating with us at our table!" I squealed at Matt as he put my bracelet on for me and I snapped Stan's, smiling at Matt from where I stood. 

 

"So, you're the guy Ed came to my RV about last night, the one that made Louis kick Harry out." Matt said in a nonchalant manner, he probably didn't care about it either way, he only ever had to worry about Aiden and sometimes a new rookie but other than that he was free.

 

"Boo-bear had a perfectly good reason for kicking that curly haired boy out, no one likes the idea of someone having sex in their bed, yano unless it is them." Stan said sternly to Matt but still in a friendly manner, I blushed insanely at the Boo-bear comment, no one at the circus knew that nickname. 

 

"Boo-bear, ay Lou?" Zayn's voice broke through the conversation that was going on between Stan and Matt, Stan turned to look at who was talking to me, to come face to face with all of my friends. Zayn, Niall, Liam and Aiden, who were all smirking at us, a weird gleam in their eyes. "It's so nice to meet Lou's boy-toy, I mean friend, I'm Zayn." Niall introduced both himself and Liam, shaking Stan's hand before I had a chance to slid off Stan's back, glaring slightly at my friends. "The boy with the blonde quiff is Aiden, he rooms with Matt, Ni and Li room with me."

 

"It's nice to meet all of Boo-bear's other friends, he talked a lot about all of you, especially that curly haired bloke, the one he found in his bed?" Stan said throwing his arm over my shoulder in a protective manner as if they were going to attack us or something. The night went pretty well though, I won the girls some prizes, Stan had fun with the rest of my friends, all of them running a muck. It was fun watching Geoff yell at Liam, who got in trouble doing something to impress Niall, though it didn't work because Ni was too obsessed with Stan to notice. 

 

When I woke up the next morning it was to a tiny squeaky squealing sound, not the wake-up call like usual, I sat up rubbing my eyes. To the side of me was a tiny pig, not much bigger than my hand squealing at me, wearing a tiny red bow with a card attached. 

 

The card read:

 

Lou, I know you are mad at me and I know buying you a tea-cup pig is not going to fix what I did but I was so lonely without you and Roxii helped. If you knew my background, you'd know why having sex with someone made me feel better or you might want to forgive me, I just can't tell you about it. I'm giving you the pig because I thought she was adorable and she needed a better home there where she was at, plus she looks like one of your stuffed animals. I hope you'll at least let me explain to you and say how sorry I am in person, because I still love you Lou. Your still my protector and I haven't slept the last two nights, not one wink because I want to fix this.

 

Talk to me, Louis.

Haz.

 

I stared at the tiny pig, Piglet, and thought about how much I missed Harry, how the way I reacted was only because I had feelings for Harry. It was my bed he deflowered, even when he had his own bed over the cab (though Stan was sleeping there now), he could have had sex up there but he didn't. The only way I was going to forgive him is if he tells me about where he came from, there is no other way around this, since he brought it up and everything. I jumped off the bed, throwing on a jumper with a front pocket and putting the tiny pig in said pocket, before walking outside into the chilly October air as I headed in the direction of Ed's RV. I knocked on the door softly, knowing that Harry would be awake inside and I didn't want to wake Ed up in the process. Harry opened the door, wearing my white knitted jumper he never gave back to me, staring at me with almost dead eyes. "I'll only forgive you, if you tell me all about yourself, Harold. Where you came from, why you left, what was with all your bruises and cuts, what were you like as a child? I want answers and not half arsed ones that are full of bullock, it's not fair what you did to me, I just want to understand why you'd do it." I spoke to the boy, who had unruly curly hair and green eyes (that seemed lifeless most days), tears starting to shine in my eyes. "I wanted nothing more than to come home to you and share my family with you, but I arrive back to find our for the whole two months, you were shagging some random bird."

 

"Oh right, Lou, all you wanted was to come home to ME, when you had that Stan guy with you?" Harry said rudely as his blank stare turned into a glare in a second. 

 

"Stanley Lucas and I are just friends, nothing more, I want nothing sexually to do with him, you tosser!" I screamed at Harry, forgetting all about Piglet being in my pocket as I continued to shout. "I wanted to come back to you because I figured out, that I fancied you, big mistake there, huh?" 

 

"You...fancy...me?" Harry stuttered out as he looked at me, looked at me with innocent emerald eyes.

 

"Fancied, because you're a wanker as of the recent. When you decide you want to move back in and be my friend, you know where to find me and tell your story." I said before I turned around, heading back to my own caravan, my fingers subconsciously petting Piglet's thin fur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter includes rape of an underage minor; if any of this offends you or brings up unwanted emotions, please do not read. I am not set out to upset you, I do not wish for this to bring up horrible feelings or thoughts with you. It’s not descriptive though, if that makes you more comfortable, it is just a mention of it.

Honestly, It’s Always Rainbows! : Chapter Five

__________________________  
Louis’s P.O.V.:  
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Two weeks have past since Harry gave me Piglet, two weeks have past since we talked, and it’s been two weeks of me still being in love with Harry. I wanted Harry to come up to me and talk to me, I wanted to see his face more than the few minutes I get during shows and practices. It was weird, not seeing someone you were in love with, it was weird waiting for him to come to me. I was waking up to let Piglet outside to us the bathroom when I noticed a note taped to my door.

 

‘Lou,

I don’t want to tell you my story but if it means I get you back, then I am going to do it. I don’t like rooming with Ed, he doesn’t understand about my nightmares, he doesn’t understand me at all…Meet me in the Big Top when everyone is asleep, see you then.

Harry.’

 

The note made me slightly happy, knowing that Harry was now swilling to tell me his story, that he wanted to come back to my RV. After both Stan and Piglet were asleep, I quietly walked out of the caravan and into the big top, to see Harry sitting on the bleachers. “Your going to be honest with me, right, Harry? Your going to honestly tell me your back story, so I can understand why you felt the need to have sex with someone in my bed..”

 

“I want to go back to my home, Louis, which is a caravan with you.”

 

“Then start, Harry, I am all ears and will not disturb you.” I said as I sat on the floor by his feet, ready to listen to his story, ready to know more about the man I was in love with.

 

“I didn’t live an easy life, Lou, it was far from how you lived but you want to know and I want to be forgiven…”

 

\--Harry’s Story told in Harry’s P.O.V.—

 

My life started out great, I had a mother and a father (An older sister too but Gemma isn’t really important in this story, since she was gone, living on her own), both of them loving me with every fiber of their beings or that’s how it was in the beginning. My mum worked at a tiny boutique, mostly for fun but she had went to university for nursing, and my father worked as a computer guy, we were well off. My happy family story ends when I turned twelve though, my father started drinking, every chance he got a bottle of whiskey would be against his lips. Soon, the happy man I had grown up with was an empty vessel of the creature, which started raising me. It was hard on my mum, she had to go out and get a real job because my father’s income was not enough to cover all the bills, plus his drinking habit. Slowly, my father starting skipping out on work to go drink all day and before long, he got fired, meaning he was angry. He needed an outlet for his anger, drinking wasn’t cutting it anymore and that’s, when he turned to me.

 

It was summer holiday and like I said, I was twelve, young but aware of everything, that was going on around me. My mum had picked up the night shift at the hospital, where she had been working at for a few months now, leaving me alone with my drunken father. It had been like any other day, I ate dinner, showered and was heading to bed, when my door opened. My father staggered into my room, crawling over my bed until he was on top of me, over the duvet. “You love daddy, right Harry? You’d do anything to make daddy proud because you’re a good boy, right?” He slurred out as he rubbed his cheek against my curly hair, he reeked of alcohol and his eyes were blood shot, I nodded my head nonetheless. “That’s right because your daddy’s little boy…” My father was straddling me, he leaned up and so he was sitting up. Before my eyes, he started to unbutton and unzip his trousers, wiggling out of them until he was on in his pants. At twelve I knew all about sex, I knew about erections, I knew about masturbation, I had even been on the receiving end of a hand-job already. I knew when I saw the front of my father, the reason he had came into my room, the reason he was showering me with complaints…The was the first night my father raped me, he tied my hands together with a belt and continued even with my screams of pure torture. When he was done using me, he threw me into the bathtub and forced me to bathe again, this time washing the blood and semen off me. When I was done, he threatened me, I was not to tell anyone unless I wanted to die.

 

It was the first time but it was no where near the last time nor is that where my abuse stopped. I had become my father’s bitch, if I displeased him, he would beat me or when he raped me it would be rough. He was never gentle with me, he didn’t care how much my arsehole bled, he didn’t care if the entire time I was soft, he didn’t care that I cried and screamed out of pain. It was about him, it was about the way he felt, it was about him wanting to be satisfied. Fourteen is when I found out I was bisexual, it scared me, scared me that people might think I enjoyed what my father was doing to me. It was far from the truth, I hated every second of what he did, but when it was another man, it was amazing. I distanced myself from my father, spending more time at parties or random people’s houses, taking the beats but hiding from the sexual aspect of it.

 

Fifteen is when my father got another job after three years of nothing; I took my new freedom to have more sex with random strangers. It was going great until two days after my sixteenth birthday, I was having sex with this bloke who lived a few blocks down, when my father returned home early from work. Catching me when I was in mid-thrusting into the fellow that was under me, moaning like the porn star he could be, right up until my father ripped me off of him. “What the fuck do you think your doing, Harry? Your mine, you’re my bloody bitch, you can’t just shag other people! Your a fucking cock slut, make your friend leave right now or he can bare witness.” I jerked my head for the guy to leave, he scurried off my bed and grabbed his clothes, before running out of the room. “This is my house, Harold, you belong to me…You only get my cock, got it bitch?” He started to lay it into me, beating the shit out of me, punching me every way that he could. Kicking me once I fell to the ground because I could no longer keep myself standing, it hurt and it was painful. I let him continue to beat me up until he got bored with it, when he left me on the ground, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to leave and just my luck, the circus was in town. After I cleaned myself up, I packed a ratty old backpack full of clothes and walked out the door, I had something to do before heading to the circus though.

 

“Mum, I have something to tell you.” Her sea foam green nursing scrubs clean as she stood up straight to look at me. “Dad has been raping and beating me since I was twelve, I’m leaving, running away. You’ll never be able to find me hopefully but you deserved to know since all you ever did was love me.” With that, I turned and quickly ran out of the hospital, booking it down the street to where the circus was almost all the way packed up.

 

\--End of Harry’s Story and Harry’s P.O.V.--

 

“That’s why I felt the need to have sex with that girl, I felt alone…betrayed almost, that you left me…It’s something I would have done to my father…I am so sorry Louis, it’s why I have nightmares and the nightmares are about him.” Harry explained to me as he cried a little bit, not many tears, just a few ones the trickle down his cheeks.

 

“I forgive you, Haz, it just hurt me a lot…but I love you, come home now. Tomorrow, I’ll introduce you to Stan and we’ll move all of your stuff back, come one.” I pulled Harry into our caravan and onto my bed, cuddling up close to him in a way I’ve wanted since I left. The next morning, I introduced Stan to Harry, told the circus family that Harry was back in my RV again and helped Harry move all of his stuff back. Harry spent time with Piglet, enjoying the fine fur that was on the tiny pig, her bed set up with the stuffed animals all around it. Stan enjoyed meeting Harry, he was glad that we had made up, since I was upset about it and he knew it. Harry was okay with Stan, he was a little jealous of how close Stan and I are, Harry depends a lot on me for a weird reason.

 

“When I was thirteen, I had my first love, there was nobody that compared to my baby and nobody came between us, who could ever come above. She had me going crazy, oh I was star struck, she woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks…” I scream/sung from on the top of the silks, Niall was playing his guitar to my rapping as Harry and Stan were ‘dancing’ to my singing.

 

“Niall, we are going to kill you for teach Louis this song, couldn’t you have him sing something else?” Liam whined for both himself and Zayn, from where they sat on the bleachers holding their ears.

 

“I am not that bad of singer, no matter if it is Beiber-licous, so shut your trap.” I shouted at Liam before I slid down the silks, “Plus, your like in love with Niall, so you enjoy the Beibs.” Tonight was Stan and my first performance together, we were both nervous as all can be, so much could go wrong. Stan would start, doing flips and other aerial hoop tricks, and then I do my solo performance. Finally, we come together, me pretending to be a girl and tell a love story, only using the silks. In all of our practices, we’ve messed up, whether it is the transitions or one of our tricks; we needed this to be perfect. We needed this to go well, we need this to prove ourselves, and I need to prove that what happened on the aerial was a once done thing.

 

“Our next performance is Stanley Lucas on the aerial hoop and Lou Tomlinson on the silks. Watch as Stan falls in love with the captivating Lou, right in front of you eyes.” Stan walked out first after Geoff’s introducing, he was wearing a pair of black spandex shorts, on his chest I painted it looking tribal (But in rainbow, of course). He did a few cartwheels into a back handspring, until he reach the aerial hoop, in which he climbed on top of in a hurry. He did his flips and tricks, soon my music was playing and I was skipping out to the ring. I was in a leotard and a chiffon skirt, which flowed when I was flying around on the silks. My make-up was done in a female fashion, Cher had to help me since I had never done real make-up before, other than painting my face. I climbed up the silks quickly, doing my usual flips upside down and swaying with the music. During this Stan is looking star stricken by me, leaning on the hoop and acting dreamlike, I slid down the silks and Stan got off the hoop. We came together and touched our palms, before I turned and ‘hide’ behind the silks. Stan circled around and lifted me up into the air like a swan, twirling me around.

 

Our performance ends with me upside on the silks, sliding down and walking out, waving happily to the crowd. I quickly took off the skirt and leotard, going to the hose to ‘shower’ some before slipping on sweat pants and waiting for lunch to get done. “Louis, that was amazing, between you and Stan, it’s going to be a great set.” Karen gushed at me as I went to sit down on my camping chair, I laughed and waited for Stan to join me. Our performance did not have one mistake and I personally think it was the best one I’ve ever done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	7. Chapter 7

Honestly, It’s Always Rainbows – Chapter Six

____________________________________________

Louis’s P.O.V.

____________________________________________

 

It seems like ever since Harry and I made up, he’s been trying to get me to say I fancied him again and very badly too, might I add. He keeps asking blokes that I have liked, if I have a preference for curly hair, what are my feelings on green eyes. It was funny though, it’s like he wanted me to say it again, so he could say something about it. We’ve began to share a bed again, much to the amusement of Stan, who is always cracking jokes about it. Random Louis moment but Stan calls his penis a willy or pee-pee, why can’t he just say what it is…It bothers me a little bit to be honest, maybe it’s because I am gay, so I don’t want a cute nickname for something that goes into my arse. Just saying, sorry for the horrible mind images but it has been bothering me. I was currently going shopping for a new leotard and skirt with Cher and Harry, two people who I knew wouldn’t make fun of me and take this seriously. I was currently trying on a white and black stripped leo with a black chiffon tying skirt. “What do you guys think of this one? I really need something girly, girlier than what I usually wear; I want my performance to be better than ever.” I said as I nervously flatten my skirt down, getting the wrinkles out of it as I waited for their responses.

 

“I think if that’s the case you need a red or maroon coloured leotard with sparkles and glitter, you r so tan it’ll look great.” Cher said as she inspected the fit of the leotards over my arse and crotch regions, making sure it covers the goods. “Maybe instead of a skirt, you should get fabric and have Karen sow it on, like a tail, yano?” The picture in my head, which Cher helped draw looked good and it would do what I wanted the skirts to do perfectly. Cher would just have to tell Karen plans because I am useless when it comes to describing things, which isn’t saying much.

 

“Last item on our list is Halloween costumes for the big party on SURDAY, the last few years I’ve gone in my Hogwarts robes, I need a cool one this year.” I said eye balling harry up, thinking of all the things we could dress up as together. My top ideas were: a Priest and catholic school girl; gothic people; Jacob Black and Edward Cullen and a hooker and a pimp. I was sure Harry would only go for half of my ideas though, which was sad because I wanted to pretend I was girl but that made Harry flustered.

 

“What girl are you planning on dressing up as and how are you conning Harry into joining you?” Cher asked with an evil glint in her eyes as she stared at Harry, who hasn’t said much since we arrived at the dance store, which was normal for Harry now-a-days. I was currently handing the cashier my money for a red leotard, the older lady was staring at me funnily, I guess it is weird for a guy to wear a women’s clothing.

 

“I wasn’t going to dress up like a girl, it makes Harry nervous and uncomfortable, so yeah…” I said as we began to walk towards the fabric store to get the material for the tail part of y performance attire, as we continued to talk. “So I was thinking about Jacob Black or Edward Cullen, I an idea that is Hazza safe.” Harry always got a little weirded out if I was to dress fully up in women’s clothing, I’m not sure why but it upsets him. Recently, he hasn’t said anything but I am sure it has something to do with my flaming homosexuality.

 

“Lou-bear,” Harry began with his new nick name for me, ever since Stan came along with that dumb boo bear shit, it’s so annoying. “If you want to dress-up like a girl then we’ll do it, just don’t wear something slutty.” I stared at Harry shocked, he…he really didn’t want me to leave him again. He was trying to make me happy with him, so he wouldn’t lose me again.

 

“How about we meet in the middle, we’ll both be cats, I’ll wear a skirt to be a girl one, ya??” I said as we walked into to the Halloween store, deciding to let Cher get the fabric while we got our costumes situated. I picked out two set of black cat ears and tails that matched, while Harry was looking at the discounted candy stations (Such a child sometimes, I swear.) I was happy the store had the tails that you pin on, they look more natural as you walk or in my case prance. “I got ears and tails, ya? You’ve got tight black clothes to go with ‘em, right? Because I hardly ever see you without a band t-shirt and joggers.” Harry glared at me while I paid for the cat stuff and Harry’s Haribos he decided on.

 

“Yes, I own tight black clothes, Lou, I just like to be comfortable…” He said as he snatched the bag from the check out girl, who was staring at him like a piece of meat. I want4d to yell at her, Harry was mine now, I knew his darkest secret. He was mine, damnit, whether he likes it or not, she was just going to have to realize that. I did the only thing that came into my mind and that was to grab Harry’s hand in a loving manner, make her think we were dating because he was mine. He might not fancy me back, he might have had a horrible life but he is still my Hazza, she still needs me like air and some trashy (Even though she wasn’t but Louis, was just over-reacting) check-out girl was not going to ruin that. Has was acting as if I held his hand all the time, which wasn’t the case, we would sleep snuggle but during the day I don’t like to push myself on him. I don’t want to push him into loving me. He doesn’t have to love me back in the way that I love him as long as we can stay together, the girl was now glaring at me.

 

“You’re going to let that faggot touch your hand, pretty boy?” She seethed out while she sent me a death glare, Harry’s hand gripping mine tighter as they began to shake. I hated when people outside of the circus call me gay terms, the circus people do it out of love, outside people do it to hurt me and it really hurts. No matter how okay with yourself you are, other people still know how to crack down your shield, my hands began to quake harder. “He was taking about wearing a skirt earlier, he is a faggot cross-dresser, he’s degusting.” Tears started to trail down my checks as I stared down at y worn out TOMS, I ripped my hand out of Harry’s grip and started to head toward the door. The girl was right, I was degusting, what man in their right mind dresses up in women’s clothing because he find it more comfortable than men’s? It was gross, I was a dirty human being, Harry should touch me and he shouldn’t even share a bed with me.

 

“Listen, Louis might be gay but that doesn’t mean I can’t love him, what does it even matter that he likes women’s clothing? You probably like to wear mean’s clothing sometimes; does that make you a lesbian? Should I be offended that a lesbian was checking me out earlier?” Harry asked before I could make it to the dory, he was standing up for me and it was making my heart soar. “If you have nothing nice to say to him, don’t say anything at all.” Harry growled at her as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the store still pissed at the cashier. “I can’t believe she said those horrible things to you, you’re not degusting or gross, your beautiful…she has never been so wrong in her entire life.” Harry just called me beautiful, Harry thinks I’m beautiful. We met back up with Cher and walked back to the site, Harry telling Cher all the details that went down in the Halloween store causing Cher to cause a huge scène, one the sidewalk. Cher threatening to go back to the store and rip the girl’s extensions out (Even though she didn’t have extensions to Louis’s knowledge), it did make me laugh though.

 

When we got back to the site, I launched myself onto Stan’s back talking loudly about my adventure into town, leaving out the check out girl, no need to make Stan made over nothing. Harry didn’t have the same idea however, opting on telling the entire circus about the very rude cashier, who was so wrong in calling me gross, so many people wanted to go and show her what happens when you mess with circus freaks. I had to plead them no to start anything. When I could finally separate myself from everyone, I walked back to my RV, putting the Halloween bag in my make-up cabinet before going to sit on my bed. Mine and Hazza’s bed, I hated when I had to sleep alone, I hated being away from him, it was pure torture. Piglet wondered out of the bathroom, her new bedroom since she decided to poop all over the RV floor, , squealing for my attention. If she continued to use the bathroom on the caravan floor, she would have to go and live with the petting zoo animals, I couldn’t keep cleaning up pig shit by myself. Harry tried to help me but he got queasy when it comes to poop, so I am left to it. I hear the door open and close, watching as Stan belly-flopped onto my bed, landing on top of all my stuffies and squishing them in the process. “Tell me why you fancy Harry; tell me why you fell in love with the curly bloke.” Stan demanded as he snuggled up to Flippy, playing with Flippy’s eyeball as he waited for me to speak.

 

“I…I love him for a lot of different reasons, most of them making me sound cheesy but I’ll tell you, if you really want know.” I said, a little sigh leaving my mouth when Stan started shaking his head excitedly. “To start off with he is gorgeous, there is no denying how pretty he is. With his chocolate curls, green eyes, plump lips but let’s not forget those fucking dimples, who could ever forget those? He loves me, not in the same sense as I love him but she still love me, loves who I a. He doesn’t mind my love for: women’s clothing; all things rainbows and my obsession with stuffed animals. He allows me to snuggle against him while we are in bed, allows me to kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his silky hair, not once caring that I am gay. He also, told me his deepest, darkest secret, trusting it to me because he knows I could never turn on him.” I let out a dreamy sigh, looking at Stan, who was deep in thought as I continued my mini little speech. “Harry, he‘s dependent on me, can’t sleep unless it is next to me. I make the nightmares go away, I make him feel safe and happy, I make him feel loved. He makes me feel wanted, needed, without me his life would fall apart, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. My love for him might not be normal, my reasons might sound dumb to anyone else but me, it doesn’t mean I love him any less though.” Stan nodded his head as I finished talking, like he knew exactly how I felt, like he understood everything I said. I have many reasons for loving Harry, I could go on for years and never run out of something to say, does Stan feel that way about someone? Would he tell me if I asked? Would he share his Hazza with me?

 

“I’ve never loved anyone that intense, I’ve loved but in a different type.” Stan moved to lie on his back, staring up at the ceiling in deep thought, I followed his lead. “There are different types of love, Lou: a love for your child; a love for your lover, boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse; a love for your friends; hen there are different degrees within those cases. Your love for Harry is like the highest degree, I’ve ever seen, above most married couples I’ve known. It’s inspiring really, one day, maybe I’ll write a book about your love.” We both laughed at this; there weren’t many jobs for retired circus performer, unless you work as a waiter or something. It was not a bright future but at least we got to do what we loved for the time being, making other people happy daily. Stan and I lay on the bed, a blanket of silence wrapped around us as we thought about our talk, way past when the lunch bell rang.

 

Saturday rolled around quicker than I expected, having it off and Sunday too, to nurse our hangovers. Harry and I were getting ready together; my outfit was perfect as I slipped on my too tight skinny jeans over my huge arse. Harry was lounging on the bed, already dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt, watching in amusement as I wiggled into my trousers. Once they were in place, low on my hips, I pulled on a rainbow tutu over them, finishing things off with a black t-shirt of my own. I got the cat accessories and face paint out of my make-up cabinet, before I jumped on top of Harry, painting his nose black and giving him whiskers. I had him do my nose and whiskers, before placing the ears on the top of our heads and pining on each other’s tails. I fluffed my hair and looked in the mirror we had hanging on the bedroom door, making sure I looked as adorable as possible, which was very adorable, for your information. Harry looked even more adorable though, he kept scrunching up his nose, trying to catch glimpses of the make-up on it. “You’re too cute for your words, Curly” I told him smiling brightly at him as I walked out of the caravan. Halloween was Geoff’s favourite holiday; he made us go all out for it: costumes; fog machines; drink witch’s brew until you either pass out or do something naughty, basically it was a huge party. Harry walked next to me, an arm wrapped around my waist as we walked into the big top, seeing everyone else’s costumes. Niall was dressed up as a leprechaun, Liam was a prince, Zayn was a zombie, Eleanor was a ballerina, Danielle was Michael Jackson, Aiden and Matt were vampires together, and those were just a few. I shook my arse a little to make my tail sway back and forth much like a real cat, excited about how people were going to like our costumes. “LIAM! Don’t you look princely, who’s your princess this year? Nicola or Ruth?”

 

“Neither of them wanted to be my princess, so Cher is, she is like the dark princess but she works.” Liam said with a shrug of his shoulders, acting as if it was nothing, which it really was to him. “I tried to convince Ed to be my princess with his gorgeous ginger head of hair but he refused, he didn’t want to shave his legs to wear a dress…it was a pretty awkward conversation…” Harry and I both nodded our heads, thinking about Ed shaving his legs, which was really weird and kind of creeped, me out. Stan came walking up to us, wearing what I was sure was a pair of my pants, with stars and glitter on them.

 

“Stan, what are you wearing? ARE THOSE MY UNDERWEAR? What the hell are you even supposed to be?” I screamed at him while waving my arms around, gesturing wildly at his naked torso, trying to think things through.

 

“Oh, that’s simple; I’m Louis Tomlinson after he’s been shagged. Can’t you tell by the sex hair? Can’t you see the hand mark that is peaking out on the left arse cheek? I thought it was noticeable…I am even walking with a limp…” Stan said with a slight pout because I didn’t guess his costume, wait, he was dress up like me?

 

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE ALL FUCKED OUT! What is wrong with you? You don’t have any fake drool or nail marks or bite marks or love bites!” I screamed at him, “You make it look like I was a virgin; I’ve had sex before, even if it was one time!” I huffed once I was done, Stan had a smirk on his face and everyone else had their mouths open in shock. “Don’t look at me like that, you all know I got caught having sex once, we are all of age here.” Well, with my luck, they were never going to forget this moment or anything I just said. Harry looked a little weird after my out burst, maybe I pushed some boundaries I didn’t know we had or maybe, he just felt awkward about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	8. Chapter 8

Honestly, It's Always Rainbows: Chapter Seven

 

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Louis's P.O.V.

____________________________________

 

"Why would you do this to me, I thought you loved me, why?" Zayn cried as he touched the blonde streak in his naturally black quiff, running his fingers over it delicately as if hoping it was a trick of his mind as he stared into a mirror. "Why Louis? Why Stan? My hair...My HAIR!"

 

"Well, you see, Louis and I were in here the other day watching the television..." Stan started, smiling at me as I smirked ahead at Zayn, while Harry had his arm wrapped around me. Liam's caravan was one of the few that had an antenna and telly in it, sometime we watch television and movies in there, which is important in this story. "We were watching an American sitcom called 'The Nanny' and there was a character named Maxwell, he had an gray streak through his black hair. We would have done it to someone else but you are the only one with black hair...Your lucky we found out we couldn't turn it gray but while scheming we found Niall bleaching his roots, that's where the blonde came from!"

 

"We love you, Zayn, we made you look like a famous British/American actor! YOU SHOULD BE THANKING US!" I seethed out while Harry buried his head into my neck, trying to quiet his laughing but it wasn't working very well. I felt very happy, watching as Zayn looked horrified between the mirror and Stan, who felt rather smugly about what we did, while Harry's arms wrapped around me. Harry has been more lovable since the cashier lady, he has hugged me more, kissed my temple (which was a first), slept closer to me, I liked it a lot. It was selfish of me to like what he was doing because I felt like I was pulling him in, trapping him, forcing him to be with me. I still wanted to be with Harry in a relationship sense, I wanted to be able to snuggle with him and be all lovely, but he hasn't said anything about fancying me. Finally, as if we all knew it was going to happen, Zayn jumps towards Stan and wrapping his hands tightly around Stan's neck.

 

"Zayn, what are you doing? Peace and love!" Liam shouted from his place on the counter, we were all cramped in his caravan after-all, Niall sitting next to him egging Zayn and Stan on. "PEACE AND LOVE, GOD DAMN IT." Liam shouted as he jumped off the counter and grabbed Zayn by his quiff, violently yanking him off Stan. We all stared at Liam from our spots, Liam hardly ever cursed, he said it made a bad taste in his mouth all the time and he was rarely violent. It was a shock. “Now, sit your arses down, I am going to put Toy Story on and we are going to watch it. NOW!” Zayn, Niall and Stan all ran over to where Harry and I were sitting on Liam’s bed, Liam’s television was in the bedroom area up in the corner and it was a flat screen telly with the VCR and DVD player on a shelf underneath it. Liam put his copy of Toy Story in and forced us all to watch the movie, all six of us squished on a full sized bed.

 

“Who knew Liam could get mean when he wanted, only to force us to watch a child’s movie with him, that is so Liam-like.” Stan said as we were walking back to our caravan that night, Harry walking slightly behind the two of us as we talked. “Louis, I wanted to ask you something and there is no better time than the present, yeah? I wanted to ask you out on a date, a real date, the two of us going out for dinner and a movie…What do you say?” I stared shocked at Stan, Stan knew that I was madly in love with Harry, he knew that I pretty much breathed for Harry…Why would he ask me out? What should I say? I don’t think I have a future with Harry, I don’t see us getting together anytime soon or in the near future, plus Stan was my best friend…I don’t want to hurt his feelings by turning him down…What would one date hurt? It could make me feel a little special, I hadn’t really ever had a boyfriend since I’ve lived most of my life traveling in a circus, it’s hard to date. “Boo-bear, are you going to answer me before I die?” I looked around and noticed we had made it back to our RV, Harry standing close to me, staring and waiting for my answer too.

 

“I…I…Yeah, I’ll go on a date with you, Stan.” I unlocked the door and walked inside, stripping my clothes off, on my walk towards my bed in the back of the caravan, “When would you want to go?” I asked as I pulled on a pair of cut-off pink trackies, before climbing into the bed and moving to my side, waiting for Harry to join me.

 

“How about tomorrow night, since we don’t have the show to do, it would be a fun way to spend our night?” Stan shucked his trousers off before he climbed up into his bed, rolling over to watch as Harry looked between the two of us before slowly crawling into bed, next to me. Tomorrow was going to be interesting, my first date in a long time and I wasn’t sure of what to expect.

 

We had the whole day off, Geoff does this every once in a while because he doesn’t want to work us to hard because we are all his family and he loves us. Stan said he would take care of all the planning and cost for everything, I would just need to be ready in semiformal clothes by six o’clock, which was hard for me. Harry and I spent the whole time trying to pick an outfit for me, Harry wasn’t being much help though, he was acting weird, secluding himself almost. I decided on a blue button up shirt, a black skinny tie, black skinnies and a pair of blue TOMS. Harry said that I looked nice and that Stan would surely like the way I looked, I took it all as a complement. When I met Stan outside the caravan (He got ready at Ed’s RV as to not ruin the surprise of seeing each other for the first time), he smiled smugly at me and told me I looked very sexy, which caused me to blush. He walked us into the streets of London, which was where we were performing at this week, towards an Italian restaurant called ‘The Rosso’. On my side of the table was a dozen white roses, a little girly but I loved them all the same, as I sat down to sniff them. “Your making me feel really girly here, Stan, I know I like women’s clothing but that doesn’t mean I want to be a women or a drag queen.” I smiled at him nonetheless, enjoying the way he winked at me once I was done.

 

“Louis, I had an alternative motive for asking you on this date as your best friend I have to tell you, I have a plan on how to get you, Harry.” I stared at Stan confused, why would Stan want me to get Harry if I was on a date with him? “This date was a way for me to explain the plan to you while putting it into motion, I don’t honestly want to date you…Your too much of my brother for that, Lou, even you have to admit this is a little weird, even by your standards.” I laughed, nodding my head along with him, not being as mad as I feel I should have been. “See, you love Harry and I know, Harry loves you, he just doesn’t know how to tell you. We are making him jealous, haven’t you seen already? He can barely stop glaring at me, he looks at you with a sad expression and I bet he didn’t want to help you get ready, gave you short answers and was snippy with you.”

 

“We are making him jealous and that is going to make him tell me, tell me that he loves me…Stan, I think your plan is flawed, just a little bit…” I said as I ordered some angel hair pasta with vegetables and parmesan cheese, Stan ordered rigatoni and a bottle of wine for us. “But I think we should continue to try it out though, it couldn’t hurt anything in the long run, it’s not like I am really dating anyone.” We ate and laughed together as we ate, enjoying each other’s company, after we finished we walked in a park hand and hand. Taking pictures of ourselves doing couple things, on both of our cell phones and my digital camera, we’d show Harry every chance we got.

 

When we got back to the site, Zayn was chasing Niall around the big top, Liam was watching from the sidelines and Harry was lounging on a tree stomp, holding Piglet and stoking her fur. “Why is Zayn chasing the leprechaun around? Did the leprechaun try to steal HIS pot of gold?” Stan asked as we walked towards Liam, Harry almost ignoring our entire presences as if we still had not made it back to the site, I wasn't sure how I felt about this. 

 

"Niall kicked Zayn in the shin and Zayn is over reacting as normal, nothing big. How was your night?" Liam shrugged his shoulders as if this happens all the time, which is does because Zayn does over react, he is a drama queen. Zayn doesn't like people messing with him, it has to do with his time in group homes before he joined the circus, it takes a lot to change your ways. We try not to mess with him because of this, he tries really hard not to get too upset or over react. "Zayn, stop it, Niall can out run you for years, you know this. Even though the little bugger eats all the time, he is still in shape, it's magical almost. Plus, you smoke, Zayn, your lungs aren’t as healthy as they should be.”

 

 

“I am going to take that as an insult, my lungs are perfect, just like the rest of me!” Zayn screamed as he continued to chase Niall around, Liam shook his head and Harry sighs.

 

 

“Miley Cyrus slash Hannah Montana told us, that no body’s perfect…” Harry said as if it was the most common knowledge in the world, who knew that Harry knew Hannah Montana songs…

 

 

“Selena Gomez asked me, who told me I wasn’t perfect, I guess I can tell her Hannah Montana now…” Zayn said as he stopped and started panting, I laughed loudly leaning onto Stan as I did so because I couldn’t figure out, how a normal date could have ended up like this. I come home to find my friends chasing each other and talking about Hannah Montana and Selena Gomez, this was normal for us though.

 

 

“Let’s head into the big top, you can tell me all about Ms. Gomez and Ms. Montana, yeah?” I said as I walked towards the flap of the big top, undoing my tie and button shirt as I walked, leaving me in my black t-shirt. Stan thinking the same thing as he stripped down to a white t-shirt and his dress slacks, I climbed up the silks as he took a seat on his aerial hoop, waiting for everyone to sit on the bleachers.

 

 

“LIAM AND I ARE DATING.” Niall screamed as he sat down on Liam’s lap, “We were trying to think of a way to tell all of you, so I thought why not just scream it, yano?” The look on Zayn’s face when Niall said this was priceless; it was all screwed up into a look of disgust.

 

 

“Awe! That’s so adorable!” I squealed out at them from my seat up on the silks, I slid down them and walked to Harry and hugged him around the shoulders. “EVERYONE IS GETTING TOGETHER.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	9. Chapter 9

Honestly, It’s Always Rainbows: Chapter Eight

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Louis’s P.O.V.

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I woke up from my comfortable spot, cuddled up next to Harry with my head on his chest, I smiled happily to myself. Even though I was ‘dating’ Stan, I still have been sleeping with Harry in my bed because it wasn’t like I was in love with Stan. I still wanted to be with Harry, even though he has allowed me to date Stan for four weeks now, not saying anything about it at all. He has just grinned and bared it, dealing with all of the cutesy couple stuff Stan has been making up, like it hasn’t even been bother him at all. I decided after lying and cuddling with Harry for longer than I should have, it was time to get up and get dress for the day. Today, we had the day off because it was a Sunday and we’ve been working everyday since the Halloween party, so we needed a break. We all decided just to hang out in The Big Top, practicing and hanging out, pretty much just being lazy. Once I was dressed, I woke up Stan and Harry, then left to make sure everyone else was up while they got dressed. On my way to wake up Aiden and Matt, I stopped at the petting zoo animals and saw Piglet for a few minutes (Harry, Stan and I decided to give her to them because she refused to get RV trained, I was tired of cleaning up her poo too). I got to Aiden and Matt’s RV and knocked on the door, Aiden opened the door only wearing a pair of boxers, “Why hello there, Aiden, I making sure everyone is up to get some breakfast, then hang out in the Big Top…so yeah!” I said hopping around excitingly in my new pair of pants, Stan bought me on one of our dates to the mall, they were black with rips and safety pins in them. Aiden rolled his eyes at me before he told me, that both he and Matt were getting ready and they would meet us all at the Big Top like we discussed yesterday at dinner. I nodded my head before going back to my own caravan, wanting to make sure that Harry and Stan were moving at a fast pace because I was excited and hungry, mostly hungry though.

“You need to stop being such an arse to me, I have been nothing but nice to you and all you do is glare at me, when you think Louis isn’t looking.” I heard Stan practically yell at who I am assuming is Harry. “It’s terrible and I don’t deserve it, it’s not like I have done anything to you, maybe you should just give me a reason.” Stan demanded as I heard some shuffling around, probably Harry moving around angrily, it was something I would have like to seen.

 

“There is no reason really; I just don’t like how you treat Louis like he is some accessory or something. You’re always buying him pretty new clothes, hair products and whatever make-up, he wants that week.” Harry said, which caused Stan to rebuttal about buying his boyfriend gifts, like a good boyfriend was suppose to do and what good boyfriends have been doing for years. “I’m not saying you can’t buy him things, I just think you are trying to turn him into this perfect picture you have, when Louis is perfect the way he is, he doesn’t need to be changed.” I decided I should intervene and stop the fight before it got anymore out of hand, which I could see happening, so I backed and stomped back to the door before throwing it open violently.

 

“You ready yet, Li, Ni and Zayn all are and Maiden (Matt and Aiden’s couple name, even though they are not together) is almost done, so chop chop!” I said as I hopped into the caravan, looking for my pair of furry boots, the ones that were popular for girls to wear but I am wearing because: 1. they were really comfy; 2. they are adorable as all hell and 3. they keep my feet warm, it is December.

 

After we all met up at the BT (Big Top), we headed over to a cute restaurant near by called The Townhouse, it was cute inside and our waitress was very nice (She even complimented my boots). We all ate breakfast slowly, enjoying our time together eating food that wasn’t cooked over a fire, this was happy moment. When we finished eating, we walked around Liverpool, which was where we were currently performing in, looking at all the shops. I bought some Beatles collectibles: a lunch box; an album and a few t-shirts, Liverpool really capitalized on The Beatles. Stan bought some Christmas gifts since that was coming up soon and his parents were big Beatles fans. I also forced everyone to peer into the windows at the dress shop, the one that made Gypsy wedding gowns for that one telly program. “This is a pretty boring town, other than all The Beatles shit, I’m ready to go back and practice some.” Zayn said as we started to walk back towards the sit, a skip in all of our steps but Harry, who I think was glaring at my hand that was connected with Stan’s. Once we were back in the BT, Zayn went to get India (the elephant) while we all took seats in the bleachers. “Come on, Indie, you want to come out and practice with daddy?” We all heard Zayn sweet talk the 10,000 pound elephant into the ring, where he would then crawl on top of her back and dance on her.

 

“One of these days, you are going to have to teach her to like other people, you are not going to be able to perform on her forever.” I said as I played with on of the safety pins on my pants, Zayn knew he could not be a performer forever, after a while the older performers would train the new people. When you got older you weren’t as flexible as before, the problem with this is that India was a rescued elephant, she was abused at her old circus. She was afraid of getting hurt when she got here, she didn’t want anyone to touch her but Zayn, they have an attachment together, a bond. “Not that I want to ruin our lazy, sorry guys, I was just thinking out loud.”

 

“Do you ever wonder about what is going to happen to us, in the future?” Niall asked as he laid his head on Liam’s lap as he stretched out along the bleachers, “At night, sometimes I wonder about what I will do once I am too old to perform. I think I would go back to Ireland, visit with my parents then maybe play guitar for a band or something.” I had never thought about what would happen if I wasn’t a performer anymore, I had pretty much no life before the circus, I was just a flamboyant boy who liked to ‘dance’ with aerial silks.

 

“I don’t know what I would do, I’d probably stay around and take one of the oldie jobs, like training the dogs or something…” Harry said as he juggled the hacky sack balls he always kept in his pocket for when he was bored or when he just wanted to practice, it was easier than pulling out his blue plastic tote. “I don’t have another place to go, much like Zayn, so I think I would do odd jobs around here or be homeless.” I didn’t like thinking about Harry or Zayn being homeless, it worries me at moments like this when I remember not everyone has a family to go back to like I do, that this is their only life is being a part of this circus. Zayn nodded his head in agreement with Harry, which only caused me to sadden even more, they were my family, this was terrible.

 

“I think Lou-Lou and I would head back home, I am sure my parents would put you all up, we have a lot of extra rooms.” Harry looked at Stan like he had grown four heads, they were like enemies but yet Stan was offering him a place to live, though he doesn’t know Stan likes him just fine. Stan just pretended not to like Harry for our plan to work, he thinks Harry is a pretty cool lad but Harry kind of hates Stan…For obvious reasons…Stan ran his fingers through my hair as I put my head in his lap, I was bored with all this depressing talk and I just wanted to get on to happier topics.

 

“I’m pregnant.” Both Niall and I sit up straight and everyone turns to look at Aiden, he smiles at us and pats his belly happily, “It’s Matt’s…” We all continue to stare at him, including Matt, who looked just as confused as the rest of us. Aiden was taking in all of our shocked faces with glee, I blinked slowly, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. Could guys get pregnant? I think I read about it some where but it was rare, what were the chances of Aiden being one that could get pregnant? When did Matt and Aiden start sleeping together anyway? I thought Matt was straight…or at least, he was the last time I talked to him… “Guys, I am joking, I’m pregnant. How could I, I mean I am a guy…but you should have seen your faces!”

 

“That wasn’t funny! I was sitting here trying to figure out when Matt decided to start sleeping with you sexually…” I said wiggling my finger at Aiden as I settled back into my seat comfortably but I quickly got up as Zayn was putting India back in her area. I jumped down the bleacher going to where my silks were hanging; I climbed up there and sat like I always do.

 

“Well, now that we are all talking about babies and being pregnant, I have something to say.” Zayn said as he took a seat on the bleachers, next to Stan, “I need to move caravans, Liam and Niall are just having sex all the time and not caring about how loud they are.” Both Liam and Niall blush at Zayn’s words, I don’t think they knew they were being that annoying to him; they don’t want Zayn to leave their caravan.

 

“Oh snap! Li and Ni are loud? I thought they would be like super quiet, like afraid of someone hearing them, since they are innocent and everything.” Matt said as he laughed some, “Want to know what I am trying to figure out? Who is top and who is bottom? I keep going back and forth inside my head…” I took Matt’s problem into my head, I couldn’t really figure it out either. Liam is a little more muscular than Niall but Niall doesn’t like to be told what to do, unless it is Liam. Liam likes to do things for other people, so…yeah…now I don’t know what to think anymore.

 

“That is none of your business, it’s our private…”Liam started while blushing brightly, he was so embarrassed, I don’t think he could get anymore embarrassed.

 

“Liam tops, obviously, I like being on the bottom, it is fun for me.” Never mind, once those words left Niall’s mouth, Liam stuttered and his face darkened even more, I guess I was wrong. Liam looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, to think he was on top, how shockingly not shocking. This was a very weird conversation for us though, usually we talk about the circus and such, it was something we all have in common.

 

“Yano, back to the old topic, I think Liam would stay with the circus too, since he will be running it. He’d have to live here.” I said, trying to get the conversation off Liam but it didn’t working right because in the next second, they were back on topic.

 

“Harry doesn’t complain about Stan and Louis’s sex life, Zayn, you should be more like Harry.” Niall said, glaring slightly at Zayn, which I don’t blame him, Liam and Niall were probably going to have less sex now and it was all thanks to Zayn.

 

“Stan and Louis don’t have a sex life or not that I know of…Louis and I still share a bed, Stan sleeps above the cab, the only time they would be having sex is when I am not in there, which isn’t often.” Harry said which caused everyone to look at Stan and me oddly, I wish I could have told them, told them that I am not really dating Stan but I can’t. That would ruin this plan even though and we did not want that to happened, not one little bit! 

“We aren’t ready to have sex, we are waiting for the right moment because Louis is a romantic and doesn’t want our relationship to be all about the sexual intercourse.” Stan said, saving us from the awkward moment that would have happened, then we would have had to explain, which would have been bad. I just wish this whole thing would be over with, I just want to be with Harry, I don’t want to continue to lie to my friends. It is terrible, I love them, sometimes it is hard to keep my eye on the prize. Hard to remember I am doing this for Harry, so I can be with him like we both deserve, I just have to remember that.

 

Later on that night as I was showering outside with the hose, I thought about telling someone about this plan, so I wouldn’t feel so bad and as I thought that, Liam showed up to shower. Liam was the ideal person to tell, he was trust worthy and honest, he would never do anything to ruin a friendship. Especially, his friendship with his best friend, which was me incase you all forgot because of Stan. Liam took his turn with the hose while I patted myself down with the towel and slipped on a pair of joggers, taking a deep breath before speaking. “Liam, can I talk to you about something that is kind of important?”

 

“Of course, Louis, I am your best friend, no matter what you’re about to say is not going to change that. I am always here for you, bro.” Liam said as he shampooed up his hair, flashing me a cheeky smile as he goes to soap up his lower region. I was nervous about telling him, what if he thinks it is wrong and hates me for it? What if he thinks Harry is straight? Would this be a bad decision in the long run?

 

“Well, you remember that date Stan asked me on? It was a cover, so he could tell his plan on how for me to get Harry because I am in love with Harry…Did you know that? I am not sure but I am really really in love with him and I didn’t know how to get him until Stan came up with this plan for us to fake date. I am feel terrible about not telling any of you about it but Niall has a huge mouth, he couldn’t even stop from telling people, that you made him put a butt plug in for one of the performances…and that was an intimate thing!” I took a deep breath, having forgotten to breath during my entire speech, looking at Liam’s face as sadness crosses over it. Oh Lord, he hates me now, just great, lost my best friend. “Liam, please, do not hate me. Please.”

 

“I don’t hate you, I am upset that you thought you couldn’t come to me, am I that bad of a best friend?” Liam said, tears starting to fill up in his eyes and he looked into my eyes.

 

“God no, Liam, you’re the best friend any guy could ask for, never doubt that.” I said, while walking over to his naked form, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. “I just didn’t want you tell me it is wrong, I want Harry so bad, Liam. He is my everything even without us dating, it sucks to know he might belong to another one of these days if I didn’t work quickly. It would be like you losing Niall, it would be the end of your world and we both know this.”

 

“I would have never told you, that you couldn’t have Harry, I see the way you look at him, Lou. I can see the love in your eyes, your love for him is stronger than your love for the silks and I know what that means. Considering the silks was your way to escape for so long, your way of getting away from everything that was troubling you, your way from getting away from the hate.” Liam said, pulling himself away from me to turn the hose of before pulling on his own pair of joggers, his were manlier than mine though but that was no different than any other time. I should have never doubted on trusting, Liam, he had been my best friend for over four years and has not lead me wrong yet…though I must when he first told me to get rid of my long fringe and go with more of the sex hair look, I was little worried but even that worked out well. “I wish you didn’t have to fake date someone to get his attention but it is whatever you think will work, much like how I asked Niall by buying him a lot of Nandos.”

 

“That’s how you asked him out? Filled him up with Nandos and just popped the question? I hope your wedding proposal is way better than that or so help your relationship…”

 

“Says the man in a fake relationship with his childhood best friend, who he does not even find attractive, right Louis?” Liam spat back at me in a joking manner, even though it was totally turn, I had no desire to really date Stan. I don’t know why I was okay with it in the beginning, probably just the fact I thought someone was interested in me, other than my own reflection.

 

“Rude, Mr. Payne, very rude, maybe when it is your turn to run the circus I shall leave and join another.” I said running around him in a circle because I was feeling happy about telling someone my secret, even if it was just Liam, it made me feel a lot better. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, knowing that this plan wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was originally.

 

“You would never leave me or anyone else that is here behind, we are your family and you love us, you know that.” Liam said smugly as I jumped on his back, making him piggyback me to my caravan, which I was force to park away from everyone else because Stan had to make a potty break before we could make it to the site. Stupid Stan’s bladder, it was a meany head. “Why are you so far behind, you usually park behind…oh right, Stan had to pee, I forgot you said that over the radio today, my bad.” We were all forced to have radios in our RV, much like cop radios, so in case something happens we can radio someone for help. Us, the younger generation, use them to play I Spy with and we get in trouble for doing so, it’s a lot fun.

 

“STANLEY LUCAS! I hate your bladder, kind sir, it caused me to be far away from Li…wait…This a good thing with the knowledge we learned today about Moaning Niall. Holy fish sticks, he is like Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter, who knew! I would have never thought if it wasn’t for Zayn today…” I was cut off rather rudely.

 

“Louis, shut up and come to bed, your tiredness is making you talk nonsense.” Harry drawled out from his place cuddling up with Flippy, looking adorable as all hell, I mean really, it should be illegal. “Now, come on, love, you need sleep to keep your face pretty.” He was right, if I didn’t get enough sleep my face would break out, I think it is a genetic deformality, seriously. I am even allergic to my own drool, which is weird, who else is allergic to their own drool? It causing me to break out in pimps and such, so yeah…I am going to sleep now. I hope tomorrow is a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	10. Chapter 10

Honestly, It’s Always Rainbows: Chapter Nine

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Louis’s P.O.V.

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Imagine my surprise as I walk into one of the storage caravans to find Zayn sitting on a stool, painting a picture on a canvas, which looked like all of our caravans in the park. It was a good looking painting, the colours complemented each other well and it looked good with the raising sun in the background. The only shocking part of this was the fact he never told us he painted, I had no clue he had a creative side to him, this was super shocking. I feel lied to in a sense. I tiptoed further into the caravan, finding other paintings just sitting around, meaning this was Zayn’s first painting. “I can hear your breathing, Lou; you can come out from your hiding.” I sighed, I was never good at hiding or doing anything secretly, I was naturally loud, it was in my DNA. “So, I guess my secret is blown then, huh?”

 

“I won’t tell anybody, if you don’t want them to know Zaynie, I just want to know why you haven’t told any of us yet?” I asked sitting down on a crate near him, watching as he continued to pile paint onto the canvas as he talked, I was never good at multi-tasking either.

 

“I…This is mine, yano, it’s only mine. In our world, we have to share so much: our beds; our caravan; our clothes; our performance time; we share our feelings; our food; everything, Louis. This is mine, I can paint in silence, paint out my feelings and not have to share it with people. The only person who knew was Geoff: who gave me this caravan for this reason because a couple months ago I was cracking, having to share everything.” Zayn’s paint brush faltered against the canvas a little as he turned to look at me, “I love you all, you know that, I just needed an escape, like your silks.” I nodded my head, not talking, just watching Zayn paint the picture of all of our caravans in the raising sun. I watched as he finished the painting, taking it off the easel and laying it flat on a box. He proceeds to show me a few of his favourite paintings, they were beautiful but I saw one he didn’t show me.

 

“Is…that me?” I pointed to a painting that upon a closer look was in fact, a painting of me looking up at the silks from the ground; done in the lights of the BT. I ran my fingers over the dried, bumpy paint, taking in the whole essence of the painting. I was painted beautifully; almost as if it was a picture and not a painting, it was amazing.

 

“I...You weren’t supposed to see that, Louis, I…Don’t think I am a creeper or something, yeah?”

 

“It’s beautiful, I love it, I don’t even think it is creepy at all…” I stared at the love in the painted version of me’s eyes as it stared at the silks, I wondered if that is what I really looked like when I looked at the silks or thought about them, if so it was magical. Once I left Zayn alone, I headed back to my caravan to get ready for my girls night (yes, yes, I know I am boy but it’s what everyone is calling it), I even forgot about why I was going to the storage caravan in the beginning. I walked in through the doors, Stan laying on his bed, while Harry sat on our bed, staring at me as I walked in and started picking out clothes. I slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans over a pair of sparkly boxer briefs, before I pulled on a tight fitting white shirt with a rainbow on the front of it. We (Cher, Eleanor, Ruth, Danielle, Nicola and myself) had decided to going to a club called Club Black-Light, it was a club all done in black lights and you get painted on. You walk through the door and you get paint thrown on you, the drinks even glow under the black lights, it’s a really cool place, not that I have been there before. I had read about it in a magazine and now that we were in Manchester, what better time to try out the club, it was now or never. I did my make-up in black light make-up, so it would only show up under the lights and slipped on a pair of TOMS, so I could dance around. I looked at Harry to get his opinion on my outfit but he turned his head, glaring at the wall, Stan gave me two thumbs up though. I fluffed my hair and put on a necklace with two male signs interlocked. “Well, lads, I am off to girls’ night, where I hope not to get paint in my ears. Wahoo!” I left the glaring Harry alone as I kissed Stan on the cheek, before I left the caravan to find my female companions.

 

I met up the girls outside of the BT and they were all dressed to a t but in light colours, so the black light paint would show up. Dani was dressed in a white cotton dress, I peaked at the tag earlier when she bought it (I was being naughty), she also had dawned on a pair of ballet flats (those are a comfortable pair of shoes). Eleanor was wearing skinny jeans, a white scoop neck tank top and a pair of boots (they were not comfortable to wear). Ruth and Nicola were dressed a like, in mini skirts that were white and black tank tops, along with sneakers. Cher was dressed crazy; zebra print leggings, jean shorts, a white tank top, a jean vest and ankle boots (they were comfortable, surprisingly). The girls were standing painting each other, giggling like school girls and talking about their last shopping buy, I smiled walking up to them, “Ladies, it’s lovely to see all of you in clothes I’ve tried on before…”

 

“You really need to stop getting into our clothes when we are not around…” Ruth said.

 

“It’s weird.” Nicola finished.

 

“I think it is cute!” Cher giggled, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the street, which would take us to the night club.

 

Before agreeing to girls’ night in the future, I should make sure other people will be sober, so I can have help putting the girls to bed. It took me thirty minutes to get Cher, Dani and El into their caravan, they kept petting my hair and giggling about how I like it up the butt, El also whined about me being gay. When I did get them inside, it took all of my patients to get them into pajamas and get them into their beds, it was crazy! Who knew girls could get so smashed? IT WAS INSANE, and I know what insane is, I am Louis after all. Once I made it out of their caravan, I walked to the hose and got some of the paint off of my face, it was sticky and such. I walked back to my caravan, only to hear something inside the Big Top, so I head that way to see what is going on.

 

“I really fucking hate you; do you know that, Stan? I sit everyday thinking of ways to get you to leave the circus and never bloody return.” I heard Harry seethe out at Stan; I was watching from the flap of the BT, neither boy noticed I was there. “Why can’t you just take the hint and leave me the fuck alone, yeah?”

 

“Why do you hate me, Harry, tell me right now? Tell me, why do you hate me so much? Hmm? Would it because I am fucking around with Louis? Are you in fact, jealous of me fucking him?” Stan smirked as Harry growled out loud, it only made Stan’s smirk grow wider with this. “That is the reason isn’t, you don’t like me fucking Louis, how weird. Do you want to be fucking, Louis or something?”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Stan, just shut up!” Harry screamed, rather loudly, causing me to jump and gasp quietly. “You are fucking dating him! How can you talk about him like he is just some quick fuck, don’t you love him at all?”

 

“What does love have to do with fucking someone? That’s why they call it fucking, yeah? I’ve never said I was dating Lou, it’s all on Louis, he is just my little buddy.” Stan didn’t even have a chance to blink before Harry punched him in the jaw, sending Stan flying onto his butt and blood trickled out of his nose. Harry stood above him, breathing heavily through his nose as he tried to calm himself down, glaring at Stan’s fear filled eyes.

“Louis is not someone, whom you just fuck around with; he is not someone you use for sex. Louis deserves to be loved; he deserves to be with someone, who is going to love him with everything they have.” Harry said.

 

“Do you want to be that person, Harry? Do you want to love me?” I stepped through flap while I was talking; looking into Harry’s shocked as I did so. Stan stood up and wiped his nose, before he came walking over to me, standing next to me. “Stan isn’t dating me and I not him. I want you, Harry, I’ve wanted you since I broke my arm and found you in bed with a women. I love you, Haz…” Before, I knew, Harry took long strides and landed himself in front of me, grabbing my face in his overly large hands and he kissed me roughly. I kissed him back instantly, rubbing my tongue along his bottom lip, not because I wanted to deepen the kiss but because I wanted to taste more of him. He pulled away first though, breathing deeply, keeping his eyes closed as he did so.

 

“You played me. You knew that in dating Stan, I would get too jealous and eventually tell you I loved you as more than a friend.”

 

“That was the general plan, even though I wasn’t in on it at first, it was all Stan’s idea. Punch Stan again if you are mad, then kiss me again because my butterflies want more.” I nuzzle my nose into Harry neck, just under his jaw, trying to trick him into kissing me again.

 

“I should have known you too weren’t really dating, you never kiss and you’ve never had sex, hell. Lou, you slept with me every night, cuddled up to me and not Stan.” Harry said, putting his head on top of mine, looking at Stan happily. “Does this mean you are mine now, Louis?” I nodded my head and kissed his neck lovingly, smiling to myself as I thought about how this was the best night of my life, even after El threw up on my shoe. We all walked to our caravan, Harry throwing his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his side protectively. Once we were inside, Stan closed his privacy curtain and Harry closed are bedroom door, after I was seated on the bed waiting for him. When he sat down on the bed I crawled into his lap, kissing him on the lips quickly, sighing happily as I laid my head on his shoulder.

 

“El threw up on my favourite TOMS, that is why I am barefooted; I left them in her caravan with a note on them, telling her she needed to wash them out.” I said, feeling as Harry chuckled softly, before he started rubbing my back. “The club was fun, had lots of pretty colours and such, not a lot of hot single blokes though. Not that I need a new bloke now because I finally have you.”

 

“You should have just told me, Lou.”

 

“And risk losing you? That was not an option, I could never loose you and just telling you, it could have sent you away.”

 

“Mhmm, I understand, Lou, but you could never push me away. Hell, I told you about my past, something I never wanted to tell anyone but I told you because I wanted to sleep next to you again.” I lifted my head up and looked into Harry’s green eyes, smiling at him as I leaned in to kiss his nose when he finished talking. Being with Harry like this, made me extremely happy, this was all I had wanted for a long time. I loved Harry and Harry loved me, at this moment everything honestly, was rainbows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	11. Chapter 11

Honestly, It’s Always Rainbows: Chapter Ten

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Louis’s P.O.V.  
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I was running around the BT (Big Top) squealing like a little girl as Harry chased me, on top of my head was a pair of his boxers and everyone else was laughing insanely at us, Harry was mad about me “stealing” his underwear. “Harry, this is not a big deal, I’ve already been in these pants before! Stop chasing me! I am out of shape; I AM PUDGY, god damnit!” This made everyone laugh louder and it made me giggle crazily, this was not how I expected this day to go. I ripped the boxers off my head and threw them at Harry, before I bounded up the bleachers and hiding behind Stan. “THIS IS SPARTA~” I screamed shoving Stan at the angry Harry before I hid behind Zayn, this was no longer fun for me; someone really needs to jump in and save me…

 

“Louis and Harry kicked me out, I am moving in with Ed, isn’t that just wonderful?” Stan said as he pulled himself off the ground, dusting the dirt off of himself and everyone was looking at him weirdly. “What? I just thought I would share with you…”

 

“You guys kicked him out, like what the French toast?” Niall asked as he looked at me hiding behind Zayn.

 

“Louis has a wild libido; he needs lots sex to keep him healthy, which can’t happen with Stan in the caravan, it was Louis’s ideal.” Harry said, smirking in my direction and I growled at him.

 

“I have a normal libido!” I screamed, clinging onto Zayn’s neck and glaring at Harry, “I just enjoy sex, it’s like the only exercise I do like and I can’t have sex, while my best friend is around. It’s weird and I do not want a Zayn moment on my hands.” Harry shrugged his shoulders innocently, before he took a seat on the bleachers, he was the one who suggested we have sex for the first time. The boy hasn’t even taken me on a date since he proclaimed his love for me, while he was dueling Stan or that’s how he tells it anyway, boys right? Liam and Niall were telling us about at recent date they went on, it was like they were trying to rub it in, that my boyfriend took me no where but my own caravan. I was now grumpy, was I not pretty enough to go on a date with? Was it because I wear girl’s clothing sometimes? Does Harry only like me for my ass? OH MY GOD, that is the answer isn’t it? I WAS JUST A BOOTY CALL! “I am not just a body to be used for sex, I am a human being and I deserve love, that does not come in the form of sex.” I screamed jumping out from behind Zayn, pouting as my brain continued to would out the fact that I was only being used for sex and I was being lied to. Everyone was staring at me from my outburst and Harry looked rather upset about what I said, but it was all true. “I am heading back to the caravan, alone, no one bother me until the show.” I said curtly before stomping down the bleacher steps and heading outside of the flap, not before hearing Harry ask what he had done wrong now.

I spent the whole time I was in the caravan by myself, hugging Flippy to my chest and thinking over everything that happened. Just because Harry doesn’t take me anywhere doesn’t mean anything, right? Maybe he doesn’t like going places but I knew that was a lie because Harry went out all the time with Ed and this weird ticket sales guy, named Nick. Maybe he really didn’t love me like he said he did. Maybe he didn’t like me dressing up in women’s clothing, was he afraid I would wear a dress on our date or something? I wouldn’t do that, unless it was okay with him because I didn’t want to make him unhappy, but I guess I was doing that now with the way I am acting. “I swear sometimes you are the most dramatic person in the world, Boo Bear.” Stan said, chuckling slightly as he walked through the door to see my glaring face but he only smiled as he went to change his clothes for the show. “After all the work we did, you would think you would be less likely to ruin your relationship by being a girl, but it is always nice to be surprised.”

“Shut up, Stan, I was just jealous of Liam and Niall, I just opened my mouth and it all spilled out.” I grumbled as I stood up and started taking my clothes off to change into my performance, letting the cold air inside the RV to give me goose bumps. “I just...Harry never takes me on dates, never, all we do is have sex in sneaky place and sleep next to each other. I feel like a two cent whore, I just love Harry so much and I feel like he doesn’t love me like he says, since he won’t take me out anywhere.” I sighed as I struggled to pull the white tights over my legs and bum, it was such a hard task to do but once it was done, I had to still put my skirt on. “Like am I not pretty enough to go on a date with? I was pretty enough for you to date me, am I not as pretty as Harry would want me to be?...I just, ugh, your right, I am such a girl.” Once I have my skirt pinned on the right way, I pulled the sports like bra/shirt over my head, then setting forth to do my hair and my makeup. Stan hadn’t said much, just letting me rant like the best friend he was, I would miss him when he moved in with Ed. “I’m sorry for this, god, you must really regret coming to live me, huh?”

“No, Lou, I still love you as much as I always have and everything you said makes sense. You don’t date someone and never take them on a real date, all the while you are having sex with them, it would make one person feeling used.” Stan was looking at me while I painted hand prints on his chest, right on top of his pecks. Stan was lucky, the only clothing he had to put on was a pair of pants, that reminded me of yoga pants but shiny. Sometimes he would where a button up shirt, unbutton, of course, as to show of his chest. “I feel like every time you and Harry take a step forward, you take three steps back, why can’t you two just be happy like a normal couple?”

“Stan, when in my entire life have I ever been normal? Why should my love life been any different?” I joked as we walked into the small tent outside of the Big Top, that was for all the performers to wait in until it was their performance, when I walked in I have Harry talking to Ed fiercely. I sat on one of the tables in the room, where the girls had piled full of makeup and hair stuff, Stan standing in between my legs. “My pokemon bring all the nerds to my yard and they’re like to wanna play cards? Damn right, I wanna play cards and I’ll trade you but not my Chazard.” I sang trying to pass time before my part and it worked, before long I was walking out the flap and waving at all the fans. I stood before the silks my head bowed and my hands down at my sides, waiting for the music to start, as the few notes of Love Story by Taylor Swift came through the speakers. I climbed the silks quickly and started doing my tricks, I knew Stan was standing near me, pretending he was falling in love with me. At the part where it says, ‘I see you make you way through the crowd to say hello’, Stan made his way toward the aerial hoop, jumping on it and starting his tricks. We had to keep looking at each and smiling, wanting people to think we were in love, it made the performance better. With by the repeat of the chorus, Stan and I were to get down from the silks and hoop, meeting with our palms touching before we slow danced/fox trotted for a while. We ended by bowing, leaving while waving to all the people watching before we exited to through the flap, before I could make it back to the tent I was pulled aside.

“Watch my performance, please, Lou, I always watch yours. Please, just, watch my performance.”With that, Harry pinned his microphone on and headed into the Big Top, waving as Geoff introduced him over the loud speaker. I leaned against the side of the tent, watching as Nick brought out Harry’s tote for him and Harry did his performance without a hitch. I clapped when I knew Harry’s set was done, I knew it like the back of my hand because of watching him practice but he wasn’t because he started to speak. “Now, usually at this point I make Nick come out, take my tote back and I leave but today is sort of special. I’ve been dating someone for about two months now and I really love them, but it was brought to my attention that he doesn’t think we go on dates. So, right now, I am asking the silk performer, Louis Tomlinson to go on a date with me. Will you got with me, Lou?” Harry turned to look at me and I noticed Nick was holding a microphone out to my face, I stared at Harry for about a second more before I started nodding my head a lot.

“Yes. Yes, YES!” I ran to him and jumped into his arms, kisses on his cheek, not wanting to gross out the little kids and their parents. Nick took Harry’s tote out, smiling like a loon for being in on this, Harry and I followed him out, waving to everyone in the audience. When we got back to the performers tent, I walked over to Stan and punched him in the arm. “You played me, I know you did, you dick. I told you why I was upset and somehow you told Harry, your suppose to be my best friend.” Stan laughed and told me, that he had called Harry on the phone while I was talking, so Harry had heard our whole conversation. I glared but I was not as mad as I thought I would be because Harry had asked him out on a date. Harry told me that they date would be tomorrow and be a double date, since Liam and Niall wanted to coo over us on our first date, but I was okay with that.

It seemed to take tomorrow for ever to get here or maybe, I was too excited for my own good? Most likely the second one but right now I was getting dressed for the date. I had on a pair of red skinny jeans, black button up shirt, a skinny red tie and red braces, my shoes were just a pair of TOMS. I had no clue where we were going, Harry had only said I was suppose to wear socks, which was a weird request since I never wore socks, like ever. Harry had left to get ready in Ed trailer, he wanted to see me as a surprise or well, my outfit. Right when I finished snapped my braces onto my pants, there was a knock on my door and when I opened it, it was an angel...Okay, so it was really Harry but he was so beautiful. He was dressed in a pair of baggy black jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a black blazer, why he so perfect? Why? He smiled shyly at me before he openly check me out, he practically eye raped me when he saw the braces. He grabbed my hand and yanked me out of the caravan, slamming the door shut in his haste, before he attached his lips to mine. Kissing me deeply and wetly, running his tongue all over my bottom lip until I opened up my mouth, letting to lick erotically into my mouth. I groaned as I felt him run his tongue over my sharp teeth (most people hated getting bit by me for that reason, but Harry really liked him), I reached my hands up and twisted them in his hair, pulling at the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck. Harry ran his from my hips, down to cup my arse, squeezing at it and needing it in a loving manner. There was a loud, embarrassed cough from behind us, forcing us to break apart and see who had caught us, it was a red Zayn. “Uhm, Li-liam and Niall wa-wanted me to get y-you, they are r-ready to leave.” Zayn, after relaying the message, hot tailed it away from us, I blinked and started to chuckle, who knew Zayn got flustered? When we met up with the other two boys, I guess Zayn had told them how he found us because they giggled like school girls, before we piled into a car (Like Geoff truck, there was a few cars also, we could take caravans everywhere). Liam drove the car, keeping his hand tangled with Niall’s over the gear shift, telling me random things (Like did you know more people get killed per year by hippos than they do lions?). We pulled up outside of a fancy looking restaurant called, “The White Eskimos”, it was done in a wintery theme, with whites and light blues everywhere you looks. The served alcoholic beverages with names like: Northern Lights Cosmo (the waiter told me, it had multiple different colour mixing, he said it was magic), Polar Bear and Rum (which was a rum and coke, get it), Ice Twister (which was a slushie like drink) and Eskimo Beer (which was just a normal beer, they just had a special label on it). I was so nice I was giddy about it, the plate of food had a fun name too: it was called Grizzly Bear Diet (it had broiled salmon with a lemon sauce over it, fruit, mashed potatoes and green beans with almonds in them). Harry got something with deer meat, he said it was good to try a new thing and really liked it, so win. Liam and Niall got salads, the salads filled with fruits and Alaskan crab meat in it, they seemed to like it a lot. 

After we ate, we happily climbed back into the car, talking excitedly about our dinners and how it tastes. I thought surely we would be going home after that, it would have been perfect date to me but we stopped at a bowling alley. “We’re going bowling?! Oh my gosh, this is perfect, I wish I would have worn my leather jacket now, I such a disgrace to Grease fans everywhere.” I squealed happily running ahead of them and giving the guy my shoe size, he didn’t even blink at my attire nor my bubbly attitude. Harry paid for all of our shoes and the lane, I went around trying to find a bowling ball that fit my dainty fingers just right, which ending up being a pink one (just my luck, right). I had so much fun, at one point Niall and I looked at which and we decided to react a part from Grease 2. We ran and slid on our knees, while we throw the ball down the lane, knocking the pins over in a strike. 

“We’re gonna score tonight, we’re gonna score tonight.” We sang as we stood back up, slapping each other’s hands, smiling that we just got to react Grease 2, in a real bowling alley. Harry and Liam went next, deciding to follow our lead and the reacted a scene from Justin Bieber’s Baby music video (Liam ended up being Biebs because he looked like him and Harry was the girl). The night was perfect in every way, even done to the part Stan wasn’t in the caravan (he decided to sleep with Ed, giving it alone). I curled up next to Harry, kitten licking at his collarbone, trying to relay my feelings to him of the night. We shared lazy kisses, that quickly got hotter and before long, we were making love together, slowly. It was the perfect way to end the best day of my life, this night couldn’t have been more perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING, THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS: gay sex, lot of gay sex, my bad? ;) You all know you like it. There is a summary of this chapter at the bottom if you do not wish to read about the sex. :)

HIAR: Chapter Eleven 

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Louis’s P.O.V.

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Stan was taking his last duffel bag out of my caravan, laughing with Ed as Ed carried a box out, joking about how they were going to be the new bromance. It felt weird watching Stan walk out of the door, knowing that he would not be coming back in unless he is invited back, it was weird. It felt almost like Stan and I were breaking up, like our friendship was over, like I lost my best friend to Ed Sheeran. Harry was sitting behind me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as if he knew what I was feeling. I wanted Stan to leave, don’t get me wrong, it meant more time with Harry alone, more time we didn’t have to worry about Stan hearing us or making fun of us. It was like I was giving Stan away though, like I was forcing him out of his home, just so I could have more sexy time with my boyfriend. Once the door was closed behind Stan, I leaned more against Harry, trying to get the comfort I needed so badly right now. I don’t think Harry understood completely what I was going through but he was trying and honestly, that was enough for me right now, just that fact he wanted to help in any way. “Lou, it’s going to be okay, baby. Stan isn’t going to magically forget about you, just because he is moving in with Ed, no one could ever forget about you, love.” I nodded my head, letting Harry’s words sink in, though they could not get rid of the thoughts I had earlier. We had a show in about an hour, so Harry and I were just cuddling, he was trying to make me feel better and it was working.

 

After the performance, I showered with the hose while talking to Liam, who was waiting for his turn. He was telling me about how Zayn moved in with another performer named Perrie last week; he wasn’t planning on telling any of us because he thought it was weird. See, Zayn was as gay as the rest of us but he was content on waiting for Mr. Right and not doing weird plans to win someone over. I giggled at the thought of Zayn living with Perrie, she was a cool chick, she was in a horse acrobatics set with three other girls, it was so cool to watch. Liam and Niall were happy about Zayn living with Perrie, Liam was upset in a sense because Zayn had been with him since Zayn first arrived at the circus, Liam took him under his wing. Liam felt same way I felt about Zayn as I felt about Stan, so he put all my thoughts at ease and told me how much happier Zayn was, not having to worry about them having sex with him around. Wrapped in a fluffy white towel, dirty clothes in my hand, I left Liam to use the hose and went on my merry way back to my caravan. Harry was taking care of the big cats, it was one of his jobs since he was only a juggler, then he was going to take his own shower with the hose. Harry was smitten over a female tiger named Dusty, who was just as smitten with him also. Dusty was a young tiger, she was only about four years old and extremely attached to Harry because Harry is not afraid of her. I once caught them cuddling together, see even though tigers usually like to be in small groups, Dusty has to be separated because she is violent and attacked the other female tigers. I bounced into the caravan, smiling and giggling until I noticed a new stuffie on my pile, a tiger one with a pink ribbon tied around it’s neck along with a note. I giggled loudly and bounded onto the bed to read the note:

 

‘Lou,

 

I played a game today before my juggling act and won this tiger, I knew for a fact that you do not already have a tiger, so I thought you would enjoy this little beauty. It reminds me of Dusty, maybe that is what you can name her? I’ll be back from washing as soon as I can, love, it’s our first night without Stan, I hope me make it a good one. ;)

 

Love,

Hazza!’

 

I smiled and grabbed the adorable tiger stuffie in my hands, admiring it’s soft fur before pulling it into my chest. Harry did the sweetest things sometimes, like last week he bought me some candy and wrapped it up in gift wrap, just so I had something random to open up. He attempted to write me a poem the other day too but he got stuck on a rhyming work for orange, so I have a poem that reads:

 

Louis, your skin is so soft,

I like to cuddle you like a sloth.

Your tan is beautiful, it is not orange,

Apparently, nothing rhymes with orange.

I love you…and I tried…

This really sucks, please don’t cry.

 

See, who knew Harry, was so adorable and romantic? I mean, I know the poem was not the best but it was the thought that counts in the end, plus no one ever wrote me a love poem before. I now had the poem framed and hung up on one of the bedroom walls, a reminder that Harry did indeed love me as much as he claimed that one day, a reminder that of something beautiful we share. I have been working on something to give to Harry too, only mine has been taking longer because it involves internet and I only can get that in some towns. I had been researching Harry’s father and mother, I know he wanted nothing to do with his father but I think if he had the chance, he would want to see his mother again. The search was turning up good, well in a way it was turning up good because Harry’s father was arrested a couple years ago, for raping a fourteen year boy and getting caught. When he went for his court date, many more young boys came forth and talked about how Harry’s father had molested them and raped them. Harry didn’t have to worry about his father anymore because his father got sixty years for all of his cases, my only problem was finding Harry’s mother, she seemed to have fallen off the grid. My thoughts were cut short when the door opened and revealed a completely naked Harry, except for a tiny white towel, my dick twitched at the sight of him in the towel and he knew it. I momentarily forgot I was wearing a towel too; until I looked down to see my tented towel as Harry sauntered towards me before he climbed into my lap. “Did you miss me, baby?” He purred into my ear as he rolled his hips against mine, making me groan in the back of my throat as I started to pant.

 

“Of course, I missed you, Harry, how couldn’t-AH!~” I moaned out as Harry bit at my neck, sucking and kissing at the reddened skin. I really should have known this was how my night was to go, Harry was celebrating Stan’s departure by having loads of sex, I surely hope I’ll be able to walk tomorrow. Harry continued his assault on my neck as he lowered me to the bed and taking off my towel in the same step, sometimes he really surprises me when it comes to this stuff. Once my towel was on the ground, I rolled us over so I was on top, startling Harry as I began kissing at his neck before leaning towards his ear. “I think the real question is, Harry, did you miss my arse? It’s been a very long time since you’ve been inside of it, hmm?” I worked a moan out of Harry, it satisfied me to no end, that and the fact that Harry’s hard prick was now poking me from behind. “Are you excited, Hazza?” The next thing I know, we are being flipped around again, so I am on the bottom and Harry is towering over me. Another quick flip and I’m on my stomach on the bed as Harry wiggles a pillow under my hips to elevate my arse into the air, I turned my head to watch as he leaned his head down and licked at my crack. I squealed and wiggled more into Harry’s face as Harry licked at my hole, before he started to push his tongue past the tight ring of muscles. He continued to tongue fuck me and I continued to let out little moans, when I felt the tightening in my lower belly, Harry stopped as if he could sense it.

 

“One day, I’ll make you just cum with my tongue, baby, no touching your sweet c*ck at all.” I groaned loudly at Harry’s words, it sound so hot and if I wasn’t trying to hold back from cumming, I would have creamed right there. I had to crane my head to watch Harry reach above my head to get in one of the cabinet, he takes out a bottle of lube and a condom, before he gets back in between my legs. I closed my eyes as he slicked up two fingers before he wiggled both into my hole, groaned at the feeling as he began to move them back and forth. Before long he was scissoring them and adding a third finger, then a forth before he pulled them all out. Ripping opening the condom and rolling it on himself, then he plowed into me, balls right up against my arse cheeks before he stalled.

 

“Oh God, Harry!” I screamed as he began to move in and out of me at a fast pace, constantly hitting that little bundle of nerves that had me seeing stars and making animalistic sounds. He continued to plow into me, never slowing at all, only getting faster and harder in his thrust. “Ha-Hazza, m not gonn-NA last l-long, b-baby.” Harry leaned his head up and started licking at my neck and biting it, groaning loudly in my ear.

 

“Me too, baby, cum with me, Louis. Let it out, baby, let me hear you scream at how good my c*ck feels in your arse.” I couldn’t hold back any longer, not with Harry purring such dirty thing into my ear while he was pounding into me, it wasn’t fair, he hadn’t even touch my p*nis yet. I screamed loudly as I felt my cum on the pillow under my hips, my prick untouched as it jerked around, splashing my stomach with my own cum. The tightening of my muscles must have sent Harry over the edge because while I was still coming down from my orgasm, Harry’s thrust stuttered as I felt his d*ck twitch inside of me. I flopped on the bed after Harry pulled out of me and went to dispose of the condom and the now, ruined pillow. He crawled up next to me, pulling me against him where I rested my head on his chest and started drawing shapes on his skin. “I love you so much, Louis, so very much. Sometimes, I wonder how I never knew how much I loved you because this amount of love couldn’t have happened over night.”

 

“All that matters now, Harry, is that you love me, the past is nothing but that, the past.” I kissed his sweaty chest, after I spoke and thought about if Harry really would like to meet his mother again. She never did anything to him but you never know with Harry, he is a complicated person, whereas I wear everything on my sleeve. “I liked the stuff tiger by the way, I think Dusty is a perfect name for her and I am happy you gave her to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _______________
> 
> Summary of this Chapter:
> 
> Stan moves out to live with Ed. Louis feels bad about it but Liam makes Louis feel better. Zayn is gay, he moved to live with Perrie, so Liam and Niall can hump like rabbits. Louis and Harry have a sex or they make love, which ever you perfer. 
> 
> ________________
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	13. Chapter 13

HIAR: Chapter Twelve

 

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Louis’s P.O.V  
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Harry and I were just lounging in our bed when the door of our caravan busted open and our three friends busted in (Stan, Niall and Liam), I was surprised to see that Zayn wasn’t with them; usually we all do everything together. The boys told me that every time, we are inBradford, Zayn disappears and the boys decided we were going to follow him. We wanted to know where he went all these times, so it was mission Zayn-possible, I even had a special outfit picked out. It was an adorable, a pair of black yoga pants, a black tank top, an off the shoulder grey shirt, I was looking hot! Even Harry thought so, that’s why he kept staring at my booty-licious arse, the tight yoga pants made it look even better. Everyone else was just dressed normally, wearing baseball hats and sunglasses, as if to “blend in”. We kept a look out of my windows, waiting for Zayn to sneak past us, ten minutes and he was sneaking out. Looking around himself to make sure no one noticed him as he continued on his way; we waited for him to get a few caravans in front of us before we snuck out after him, following a few paces behind him. Zayn started weaving in and out of streets, down dark alleys; it was hard to remember that Zayn was original fromBradford (it’s where we picked him up, the circus anyway). He knocked on a door and a chubby, happy looking lady answered, smiling happily as she saw it was Zayn, who knocked. We were standing in front of a building with a huge sign in the tiny yard, there was old toys lying around, along with some broken toys that looked well loved. The sign was old and the paint was chipping, but you could read the words as plain as day, ‘Bradford Orphanage’. We all stood there, staring at the building, tears gathering in my eyes. Zayn was an orphan, I mean he was a run away but it was sad to know he didn’t have a family. I walked up to the door, pulling my hat off as I knocked on the door; the face that greeted me was not the old lady’s but Zayn’s. “I knew you followed me, I was just waiting to see which one of you had the most guts, Lou-Lou wins. Come on, everyone in and meet the whole gang, you will not be disappointed.” Zayn opened the door widely, allowing me to see inside the old house, which was drafty and looked well lived in. Zayn led us through a hallway and into a kitchen, where the old lady was working on cooking something and little kids were sitting on the floor chatting with themselves. “Okay, there is Lily, Marco, Sam, George, Winston, Ashley, Alana and Eddie; they are all a year to five. Mandy, Rico and Seven are sixteen, Roger is seventeen andWayne is eighteen.” I raised my eyebrows at theWayne guy, who was quite attractive in a simplistic way but he was eighteen, I thought they got kicked out of orphanages when they came of age. The old lady greeted us with a smile, telling us to call her Nana; it’s what all the children called her.

 

“So, you know nothing about Zayn’s past? The hospital just called you and said they had a baby? Can you tell us everything that you know?” I asked, leaning on the table with my elbows and looking into the elder woman’s eyes as she began to speak. She said that all see knew about Zayn was his mother died during birth and that his last name was Malik. The police had searched for other Maliks but never found anymore and the mother’s maiden name was never found out before she died. That was all Nana knew but I wanted to help Zayn find out about his past, so after we said goodbye I went onto the internet or well, I went to an internet café. I called multiple people and followed many leads, one lead took me to the local police station to talk about a deadly accident, that happened a couple months before Zayn was born. “So, the name of the man was Malik, M-A-L-I-K?” The man nodded his head at me and showed me the bit of paperwork with the man’s name on it, “Is there a way to connect with any of his family members, I only ask because a friend of mine is an orphan and he was born in this area, his mother died during birth…so is there a way for me to contact his parents?” The police man understood, even told me he was an orphan too, so he wrote down their names and said that was all he could do. The name on the piece of paper was Walter Malik, I took the name and my laptop back to the internet café, googling him and finding his address. I copied down the address, I thanked the man (he had to deal with my running in and out all day), before I ran back to the campsite. Everyone was in the BT practicing for our show (the night one, we had the morning off) as I ran in waving the paper around happily, giggling as I hopped on to Harry’s back, kissing his neck lightly. “I got news, Zayners, I found the man, who I think is your granddad! He lives on the out skirts of town, we could drive over in one of the cars, if you don’t do it, I am still going to go.” I glared at Zayn from Harry’s back, Niall was too busy showing off his no-gag reflex while Liam kept shifting around, trying in vain to hide his boner.

 

“I’ll go with you, Lou, I want a chance of finding out who my parents are.” We agreed that since tomorrow was Sunday, our adventure to Zayn’s (maybe) granddad’s house, it shall be an interesting day that is for sure.

 

The next morning, I was dressed in usual boys clothing (I didn’t want to freak out Zayn’s (maybe) grandparents by wearing female clothing) and walking a little stiffly (thanks to Harry and those yoga pants yesterday, which are not ruined because somebody ripped them) as I went to get the car keys from one of the evil clowns, shiver. I had to get the keys to the car that fitted six people (because everyone had to go), so the clowns were not too happy with us but we were all in the car and driving towards our destination at 1:30 pm. I was excited but I had to keep it to a minimum because I was driving and I didn’t want us to get into an accident, which would be very sad and not good for our circus careers, nope. We kept driving until we reached these expensive looking houses with expensive cars outside of the houses, all of our eyes widen as I continued to drive to one of the larger houses on the lane, I felt ashamed to have to park this beater in their driveway (a beater, in case you did not know, is a car that is a piece of shit. No lie, it’s a car that barely runs, has mismatched doors from getting in accidents and such). We all climbed out of the car and straightened our clothes, Zayn fixed his quiff (it got a little flattened by the ceiling of the car, his bad gurl), before we walked to the door. I knocked and smiled brightly as a man, who looked almost identical to Zayn answered the door, giving all of us weird looks. “Hello, my name is Louis Tomlinson and you must be Walter Malik, yes? I know this is weird and sudden, but I think this man behind me is your long lost grandson.” I reached and patted Zayn’s shoulder as I continued to smile at the man, cannot let him think I am weird, he might not except Zayn and I could not have that after all my work! I mean, for Zayn’s sake, of course. “You see, my friend, Zayn, here is an orphan. His mother was brought into the house during child labor but died while giving birth to him, they never even got her last name, since her prints were not in the database. Your son was married to a woman, who you never found and was pregnant and the only thing Zayn’s mum muttered before she died was Malik.” The man had tears in his eyes as he ushered us into his home, his wife greeting us as we entered, before she lead us into their living room. Harry kept looking all around ah-ing and oh-ing at the artwork on our way, he was too entertained about being in a fancy house, he was making it feel like we were in a museum. Stan sat on the floor as the rest of us squished onto one couch, we were good at fitting into tiny spots, we were circus freaks after all.

 

“You are trying to tell me that this is my grandson? All these years, I thought his mother, Patricia, just left with him, not wanting us to see him after my son’s death.” The man started to explain to us, according to him, Zayn’s father threw away all his money to be with his love (Zayn’s mum). His mother never approved of that decision though, not because she loved him for his money, but because then he would have to work all the time. His father, Yasser, was on his way to work when he got into the accident that killed him, Patricia was already on her way to the hospital at the time (she had to walk as to they only had one car) because she was in labor, they both ended up dying on the same day, it was almost romantic…in a way anyway. I mean it is terribly sad but the fact that two lovers died on the same day, it just has a tragic romance to it. We stayed and talked for a long time, before we were ready to leave but that was when things got a little hairy. Zayn had all plans of returning with us, he just wanted to know where he came from, he didn’t want to leave the circus to have a normal life but his grandparents had different plans. “We cannot in good mind, allow you to return to the circus, now that we’ve met you.” His grandfather started, Zayn’s eyebrows were pushed together and his nose was wrinkled in distaste, he never likes being told what to do. “We would like for you to come and live with us, we’ll adopt you and have our DNA tested, just to make sure your our-“

 

“Listen, Walter-Grandfather, I am glad that you want to keep me and adopt me but I am eighteen. I get to make my own decisions now, like I have been doing since I was sixteen. I’m glad to have met you and glad to finally know about my parents after all these years, but my home is the circus, it’s my family now. I left the orphanage when I was sixteen and I met the best people the world because of that decision, I mean Louis found you for me, I didn’t even ask him to do it. I was so sad when I left the orphanage but I got to the circus and instantly, Geoff put me in a caravan with Louis and Liam, who made sure I was happy. It’s been that way since then, they are my family, not you and I am sorry about that but I cannot leave them. It was never an option, never even a thought of mine, I am sorry if I lead you to believe that way.” Zayn had looked dead in his grandfather’s eyes the entire time, his eyes fierce as they held the truth of what he was speaking, tears began to gather in my eyes. “Now, I truly thank you for telling me about my parents and allowing us into your home, but we most be leaving now because we have to help take down the circus. If I am ever in the area again, I will be sure to visit you because you are my biological grandparents and I am sorry for disappointed you.” We all got up from our seats and left, climbing into the car and heading back to the circus, none of us talking for fear of Zayn breaking. “I, uhm, I want to thank you, Louis. I know you must have worked really hard to find them and I so grateful to know my parents wanted me, they just met untimely deaths at the wrong time.” I nodded my head at him, still afraid to talk as we finally made it back to the circus; all the other workers were taking down the BT and putting other oddities into the travel trailers. We all quickly started helping, not having time to talk to each other until we made it to our next town. Once everything was put away, I changed into a pair of joggers and one of Harry’s t-shirts for driving, I wanted to be comfy. I climbed into the driver seat and turned on the RV as Harry climbed into the passenger seat, we both buckled up our seat belts, before I pulled out after Liam. Harry had turned on some crappy radio stations, I think it was like BBC Radio or something like that, he sang along with all the mainstream songs as I drove. I wanted to tell Harry about what I found out about his father, I mean, after everything that happened with Zayn today…I can’t help but think I want Harry to see his mother again, he never hated her, just his father. I just don’t want him to be mad at me for doing this behind his back, I think he would be since he gets mad over little things all the time but it’s his mum. About an hour into the drive, I decided I had to tell Harry, I’ve already known for weeks now.

 

“Harry, I have something important to tell you.” I reached over and turned the radio completely off, I wanted him to only hear me and not anything else, I kept my eyes focus on the road the whole time though. “I don’t want you to be mad at me but I am sure you will be anyway, I just have to tell you though because I don’t want us to keep secrets. You know how I found out about Zayn’s grandparents so easily? It was because I had done it before; I did it for you, Harry. I researched your father, trying to figure out where he was and where your mother was…Your dad is in jail, he got caught raping a young boy and during the case a whole slew of other boys stepped up, your dad is in jail for life. I also found your mum, she’s living in Holmes Chapel still, in a different house though and she has a new husband too. She divorced your father a few months after you left, Harry, she left you father because of you. I have her address and I think you should visit her when we are in Holmes Chapel next.” I didn’t want to look at Harry, I didn’t want to know what he thought about what I did, I held my breath as I waited for his response and I was shocked by it.

 

“You really love me, don’t you? I mean, you knew how I felt about my mum, about how I hated leaving her just because of what my father did. So, you researched it and found out everything you could, hoping you would help me find my mother. You just keep getting better and better, are you sure you want to date me of all people? I am sure there is someone better out there for you, I mean, seriously.” I laughed at Harry, crinkling my eyes and smiling so hard it hurt after he was done speaking.

 

“Harry, there is no body else that I want in this world but you, silly. We are like perfect together, I mean, look at us! You are like this ab-licious sex God, with this fantastic c*ck and I am this twink, who has an obsession with women’s clothing, we are like all those gay couples in mangas (they are a Japanese comic, typically animes like Pokemon, start out as mangas) and porn.”

 

“Louis, babe, when have you been watching gay porn because the only place we get internet is café or McDonalds…”

 

“Harry that was not the point I was trying to make, love.” I rolled my eyes as I spoke, turning my head slightly to look at Harry as I stuck my tongue out at him. “I watched a bunch of gay porn when I was home for those two months, every time the house was empty I watched it, I was very sexual frustrated. But it was your entire fault because it was when I realized I was in love you, so all I kept remembering was all the times I had ever seen your penis, it was terrible.” Harry laughed loudly and I pouted, it had seriously been an issue for me and it was not funny to me. I looked off to the side of the road and saw a rainbow in the sky; I smiled happily because as everyone knows, my favourite saying is that everything is always rainbows. It was like even fate was on my side; it agreed that everything was always rainbows.

 

“I am sorry that I turned you into a porn addict, will you ever forgive?”

 

“Maybe, I mean, you do love me and you do make love to me on a regular bases…so…Yeah, I forgive you.” After I was done speaking the radio by my leg started to static up before I heard a voice.

 

“Breaker, breaker, kitty couple this is the ring leader. We wanted to tell you that we are stopping at a gas station, you are in the back and we wanted you to know, so you don’t get confused. Over.” Geoff then stopped talking and the radio went silent, I picked of the microphone part and pushed in the little button on the side.

 

“Break, breaker, ring leader this is the sexy boy, why do I have to continue to tell you this? Harry did not get to change the name as you all though, it is still sexy boy. Over.” I let go of the button and I knew everyone was laughing in their own caravans not letting us know though, Harry was laughing also, since it was his fault everyone got my name wrong now. After Halloween, Harry told everyone that our radio name changed to the ‘kitty couple’, so that was what they started calling us. They only continued to do it because it got on my nerves, I picked ‘sexy boy’ when Liam and I bought my RV, it was special to me. Ugh, maybe everything wasn’t always rainbows, since I apparently was no longer a sexy boy. Pout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	14. Chapter 14

HIAR: Chapter Thirteen

 

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Louis’s P.O.V

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Clothes in a purple Jack Wills jumper, I exited out of the bear up truck at the train station, this time though, another body was exiting with me and we both waved goodbye to Geoff. Harry was carrying both of our duffel bags as we headed to get on the train, I was excited about seeing Holmes Chapel through Harry’s eyes, he could show me things that he didn’t before. Usually when we visit Holmes Chapel, Harry doesn’t leave the campsite because he feared about meeting up with his father, now he doesn’t have that problem. On the train, we both listened to my iPod and sneaking kisses, it was a happy moment. We got off the train at the Holmes Chapel stop and I pulled out the paper that had Harry’s mother’s address written on it, then we were on our way towards the house. Harry pointing out tiny things here and there, like a bakery he wanted to take me to after we find his mum and get settled in, it was his favourite place when he was younger. “This is the house, Harry, are you ready?” He gripped my hand tightly and pulled me to the front door where he knocked, we stood there for a few minutes until a gorgeous woman (who was wearing nursing scrubs) answered the door, her smiling falling as she looked at us.

 

“Ha-Harry?” The women whimpered out as she launched at my curly haired boyfriend, forcing his hand to be ripped from mine and our bags to fall to the ground, I smiled at the pair though. “Oh my god, Harry, you-you’re here? My baby is here.” Both, Harry and the women were crying and clinging to each other, it was heart warming really. Seeing Harry like this was a heart warming experience, seeing him so open like this. They pulled apart and Harry introduced me to his mother, Anne, who insisted I call her, Anne. She invited us into the house and into the kitchen as she called the hospital and called off, she wanted to spend the whole day with Harry and I, get to know us and all. She made us a pot ofYorkshire tea (a woman after my own heart really) and she began to tell us about what has happened since Harry left. She talked about the divorce, about Harry’s sister getting married, about his sister having a baby, about her getting remarried. Harry had missed out on a lot but I don’t think he regretted leaving, leaving is what saved his life and helped him find beautiful ol’ me. “So, tell me about what you’ve been up to, Hazza-bug, life must be so exciting for you!”

 

“’M just a juggler with a circus, mum, nothing too exciting about it really.” Harry said as he picked at a few crisp Anne had set out for us to snack on as we talked, she was making a Sunday roast for dinner and had texted Gemma (Harry’s sister) to bring her family round for dinner. “What Louis does is the real amazing thing, I love to watch him perform, always have.”

 

“I am a silk performer, I love it but I don’t really think it is anything special really.” I said while blushing, Anne had never seen a silk performance before and asked me to describe it to her. “While, the silks are two pieces of fabric that hang from the top of the tent and I dance with them, suspend myself on them; flip myself all around and such. It’s more of something you have to see really but soon I am going to have a Spanish web too, which I am excited about learning. Maybe you can come see us, next time the circus is in Holmes Chapel, I mean. We can trade phone numbers, I have a cell phone that my parents pay for and Harry has a pre-paid one that Geoff pays for…So, we are never more than a phone call or text away.” I scribbled our phone numbers on a piece of paper for Anne, she was so happy to know that she could call Harry any time she wanted, it was sweet almost.

 

“Mum, you don’t want to force me to stay with you? Not that I am complaining but recently, we help our friend Zayn find his grandparents and his granddad wanted to force Zayn to live them, to leave the circus life.” Harry said a little nervously and a little hurt, both emotions any human being could understand, he did want to leave the circus but was hurt that his mother did ask about him staying.

 

“Harry, you are eighteen years old, I think you know how to make your own decisions now. Plus, I am sure the circus is more of a family to you now, they took you in after what your father did to you. To be honest, I was surprised you even showed up here, even went out and looked for me really; I thought you would hate me.” His mother spoke while gazing into her tea cup, tears welling up in her eyes and her voice began to shake, “I hate myself, how could I not know what your father was up to, how could I continue to believe all those bruises were because you were clumsy, when up until then you never were? There was so many signs, so many times I should have questioned you more, so many weird things that I just let go. To know what I let my baby boy go through because I was tired from my long hours, I just, I am so disgusted with myself.”

 

“You couldn’t have known what dad was doing and being tired was okay, if anything, I should have came and told you.” Harry said, twisting his spoon inside of his tea, staring at the swirling brown liquid. “I could have told you what dad was doing when he first did it or the second time or any of the times after that, I just didn’t, it’s my fault.” I patted Harry on the back, I knew he felt bad about never telling his mother earlier but you cannot go back in time, you can only move forward and learn from your mistakes.

 

Around four o’clock the door opened and a little boy came running into the kitchen, launching himself onto Anne’s legs and talking excitedly about his at daycare, when two more figures showed into the door. “Harry, Louis, this is my grandson, Patrick and that is his mother and father. My daughter, Gemma and her husband, Liam, everyone this is my son, Harry and his boyfriend, Louis.”

 

“Mum, you had a son but he left, remember?” A beautiful woman walked through the doorway with a handsome man following behind her, the woman looked just like Harry, only a female form obviously. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Harry, the man (her husband, Liam) bumped into her as she quickly covered her mouth with her hand and she began to cry. “Ha-Harry? You-you’re here?”

 

“Gemma, take your coat off and hang it up, then come in and talk to him. You’d think I didn’t teach you any manners growing up.” Anne had already put the roast into the oven and was working on cutting up the vegetables to go with it, she was listening happily to Patrick as she worked. Gemma came back and sat across from us with her husband, who shook Harry’s hand and said he was happy to finally meet the young man, they all seemed not to mind Harry and I being together. I guess Harry had always been open about liking both genders, he had said so when he was telling me about his past, I wondered if my family will be this way when Harry and I go to visit them. Harry and I were staying with his family for a few days, then going to visit my family for a few days and meet back up with the circus in Leeds (where we all get a couple days off to go to theLeeds festival). Gemma talked about her job, she was a teacher at a local college and Liam worked a desk job that paid good money, which was why Patrick got to go to a good daycare. Patrick was excited to learn that he had an uncle and you would have thought he was told it was going to rain candy, he proceeded to ask Harry every question he knew, from: his favourite colour to his favourite type of candy, what he did for a job to who I was to. It was so cute, I almost wish I had a nephew but then, I remembered I have four little sisters and I could share Harry’s nephew.

 

“Anne, I am home and I brought those cupcakes, the ones you texted me about.” Harry’s stepdad, Robin, was the nicest man I had ever met before, it was a shame he wasn’t Harry’s real father. Robin cried when he met Harry, he felt terrible about what had happened to Harry and wished it didn’t have to happen to such a lovely boy, it was great to know that Harry didn’t have to fear his family anymore, he could be apart of something great. Having a family is a very special thing, no matter what happens in the past, they are still important. Harry deserves to have a good relationship with his family, he deserved everything the world has to offer him or maybe, I am just bias.

 

We ate the Sunday roast and ate the cupcakes, talking about odds and ends, then Anne allowed Harry and I to stay in their Bungalow (which was really just a pool house). The next day, Harry took me to the bakery and we ate fancy baked goods, he also took me a park where he use to hang out a lot as a child. It had been a nice day, our whole stay with the Cox’ (Anne’s new last name, since she married Robin) had been nice, it had been amazing really. I enjoyed watching Harry interact with his mother, I found out Harry had a knack for cooking, which I never knew because we don’t get to cook for ourselves often (we eat as a whole family, Karen (Liam’s mum) and a few other women cook all the meals for us over a fire). Alas though, all good things must come to an end because after only being in Holmes Chapel for five days, we were being driven to the train station to head to Doncaster. At the station, we promised Anne that we would call her when we were performing in Holmes Chapel again. Anne and Gemma, both took turns kissing and hugging Harry goodbye before they moved on to me, making promise to continue to take care of him. With a few more bank notes in our pockets then we started out with, we were on the train and heading to Donny, excited about my family meeting Harry on good terms.

 

About an hour later, we were greeted at theDoncaster train station with my entire family and their ‘Boobear’ sign, making Harry have to stop and laugh uncontrollably. My family was excited to see me again soon closely to the last time, they were even happy to meet Harry and Daisy was so excited to have a juggler in our house. We put our stuff into my bedroom, where Harry took about an hour searching around for my “porn” collection because every guy has at least one porn magazine, though he didn’t find one because I didn’t have any. I had all my masturbation material in the locker room, hot guys taking their sweaty clothes off while I was around, why would I spend money when I got it for free. My mum didn’t make us anything special for dinner, she was feeding eight people, plus going to work afterwards. Meaning: We ate pizza for dinner but it was fine with Harry and I, we hadn’t eaten pizza in a while and it was tasty as all hell. We were staying with my family for five days, so I spent that time showing Harry around Donny, I even took him to a two story ice rink. But at the ice rink, I found out Harry was terrible at ice skating, he pretty much has to stay on the wall the whole time. I took him to all my favourite places, I showed him the youth center and the silks that I learned on. We made love in my garden one day, it was up in my childhood tree house, my family were at a house party a couple houses down (so we didn’t have to worry about them catching us).

 

“I can’t believe Zayn’s grandparents expected him to stay with them, don’t they know how the circus works? You are all a family, you don’t just leave your family, unless you absolutely need to.” My mum said as we sat along in the living room on our last night, my little sister asking me to tell them more storied about the circus.

 

-Flashback #1 (Liam’s Eyebrow)-

 

Zayn and I were both very angry at Liam, he had not helped us unpack yesterday because he was too busy helping Danielle with something, so today we were getting our payback. Liam was asleep in his bed as Zayn and I snuck onto his bed, a battery-powered razor in my hand as we crawled close to Liam’s face. I handed the razor to Zayn, who turned it on and started to shave half of Liam’s eyebrow, before he passed it back to me. I shaved half of Liam’s other eyebrow, then we ran out of the caravan and to Matt’s RV. We were to hide in Matt and Aiden’s RV, until Liam saw what we did to him and he decided he still loved us enough not to kill us. “LOU-EH~. ZAYN~.” Liam screamed loudly an hour later, Zayn and I hid until the bed in the Maiden’s (Matt and Aiden’s names put together), when Liam threw their door open. “Where the hell are they? They freaking shaved half of my eyebrows, look! It looks freaking weird now and…and…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?”

 

-End of Flashback-

 

“You shaved his eyebrows because he didn’t help unpack? Is that something that happens often?” Mark asked from his seat in an armchair.

 

“No, we don’t usually shave people’s eyebrows but Liam also gets away without helping sometimes.” I explained, while Harry was shaking around laughing, he was trying to imagine Liam with half eyebrows. “We only play pranks on Liam though, always because he never retaliates and just goes with flow. He gets mad but he forgives us and everything, sometimes he even jokes about it and tells people often.”

 

-Flashback #2 (The time we all went to a restaurant)-

 

It was Geoff great ideal, let’s all go to a restaurant and eat, by everyone I mean everyone. He had called ahead and told them, that they were going to have a lot of people be in their restaurant and they would all be on the same bill. Harry, Liam, Niall, Zayn and myself were all sitting at our own table, throwing chips at the back of Ed’s head. It was a blast until the manager asked us to leave and Zayn threw a fit, which caused a huge brawl to break out between the circus people and the waiters. The police had to come and Geoff had to explain that the manager was being rude to us because we were apart of the circus, it was so funny.

 

-End of Flashback-

 

“Are you allowed to go back to that restaurant?” Daisy asked.

 

“Nope, not at all, they have all of our pictures hanging up on their wall and everything.” Harry said, while shoving a piece of pizza into his mouth, very unattractively might I add. My mum drove us to the train station at the end of our fifth day, all the girls had to be in bed because of school the next day, she kissed us on our cheeks and wished us to visit again soon. I slept most of the train ride toLeeds, I dreamed of being with Harry and living on a rainbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3


	15. Chapter 15

HIAR: The Epilogue

 

_________________

 

Dear Readers,

 

I want to thank you for reading my book and loving it as much as I do. In this letter, I am going to update you on the lives of the character of this book and give you a little insight as to where I got the idea for this book. Let’s start off with our favourite characters, shall we.

 

Liam and Niall Payne: Liam and Niall got married a couple of years after Liam was given the circus, they have a son namedTyler and he is showing great interest in working on the trapeze in the future. Niall still does the sword swallowing act and he is teaching a girl to be his replacement in a few years.

 

Zayn has quit the circus business and thanks to the help of his grandfather, Zayn is now a radio famous radio host and has met Chris Brown. Zayn is still single as of the time this book was published but he is happy with that, he enjoys it though.

 

Louis and Harry are happily together, still being part of the circus and enjoying every second of it. They are still madly in love with each other, they visit their families all the time and they have just now decided that they are going to get married. They are planning it now and I am going to give them this book as a wedding present, seeing as how this book is all about them.

 

Now, the original idea for this book came when I was younger and I met Louis and Harry, they told me their love story and it blew my mind. The other idea came from Louis as a person, when he would tell sad stories from his early circus days, he would always end the stories with, “But honestly, it was always rainbows”. I asked him about it one day and here is what he said, “Everyone always says that after a horrible storm, there will always be a rainbow, meaning everything was going to get better. It works the same for life too, no matter what has happen in my life or Harry’s or Liam’s, we knew in the end it would be better because life is like the weather. Sometimes it is raining, other times it is sunny, but after the sad, rain days, you can look forward to the rainbows ahead.” Louis was right, look at our dear friend, Harry. Harry had a horrible life before he joined the circus but in the end, his rainbow came in the package of a short, elfish man, who likes to wear women’s clothing.

 

Thank you again for reading my book,

Stanley Lucas (a.k.a Louis’s best friend for life)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________________
> 
> So, I am sad HIAR is over, seriously. This story started out because I love the circus, always have, probably always will and I loved the silk performers the best. The story as Stan stated up in his letter, had a deeper meaning and the meaning was life always is a good thing. No matter what you’ve been through: being gay; getting abused; being orphaned and not knowing your parents or anything else you go through, LIFE IS, HONESTLY ALWAYS RAINBOWS and don’t you ever forget that. <3 I love you guys, so much that I am sure you don’t even understand.  
> _________________
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcomed! :) <3
> 
> _________________
> 
> Also, I have on going storied on my wattpad account, check it out. 
> 
> http://www.wattpad.com/user/paintingtheworldgray

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudas are always welcomed. :) <3


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